3 Mistakes That Deepen a Loved One’s Depression

Depression is a silent, insidious beast that wears many faces, and it affects every person in a unique and often devastating way. Yet, despite the prevalence of this mental health crisis, we continue to make dangerous mistakes when supporting those who are suffering. Our well-meaning words and actions can sometimes create more harm than healing.

Here are three mistakes we often make — each of which can unintentionally deepen the darkness for someone with depression.

1. "Just Think Positive, You’ll Feel Better"

It’s a phrase many of us have heard: "Just think positive! Focus on the good things, and things will get better." But imagine telling someone who’s struggling with the crushing weight of depression to "think their way out of it." That advice can feel like a betrayal. Take Emily, for instance. She was in her early 30s, battling a depression that had been steadily worsening for months. She found it hard to even get out of bed in the morning, let alone focus on anything positive.

When a friend offered a smile and a quick, “You just need to change your mindset! Everything will get better if you stay positive,” Emily’s heart sank. That well-meaning advice didn’t acknowledge the profound depths of her pain. Instead, it added guilt and shame to her already overwhelming sadness. It's easy to forget that depression isn’t just a mindset—it’s a debilitating condition that robs people of their very ability to see the light. Telling someone to "just think positive" can feel like a dismissal of the darkness they’re trying to navigate.

2. "Why Don't You Just Take a Pill and Get Over It?"

Medication is often part of the treatment plan for depression, but assuming it's a magic fix can be catastrophic. Kevin, a 45-year-old father of two, was prescribed antidepressants after months of suffering, but when he mentioned his lack of progress, people started telling him, "Why don’t you just take your pills and get on with it?"

This well-intentioned but misguided advice overlooks the complexity of depression and how many factors affect it. Antidepressants can help, but they don’t solve everything, and they certainly don’t address the deeper emotional and psychological pain people endure. Kevin wasn’t just dealing with a chemical imbalance; he was facing years of unresolved trauma, a strained marriage, and a deep sense of purposelessness. When people brushed off his struggle with a simple pill-popping solution, it reinforced his feelings of isolation and inadequacy. Medication isn’t a cure-all—it’s part of a multifaceted approach that includes therapy, self-care, and emotional support.

3. "You Just Need to Snap Out of It"

Arguably, one of the most dangerous things we can say to someone suffering from depression is, “You just need to snap out of it!” This message implies that depression is merely a choice—a bad mood that can be fixed if the person “tries harder.” Imagine Sarah, a 28-year-old woman who had been struggling with depression for years. After a painful breakup and a series of personal losses, she sank deeper into despair.

During one of her darkest moments, a family member told her, "You need to stop being so dramatic and snap out of it. People have it worse than you." The impact was devastating. The pain she was already enduring now felt like a deep personal flaw. She wasn't trying hard enough to "snap out of it"—but in that moment, she felt utterly powerless to change anything. The pressure to "just get over it" can create an insurmountable barrier between the person suffering and the support they desperately need.

Conclusion

When it comes to supporting those with depression, our words matter. Our instinct to "fix" or "cheer up" someone in pain often leads us to minimize their suffering or offer solutions that feel dismissive. If we want to help genuinely, we must stop assuming we know how to escape someone else’s darkness. Instead, we must listen, validate, and offer compassion without judgment. Sometimes, being there—without trying to "fix" the problem—can be the most healing thing.