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At this moment in time, it is hard to avoid feeling overwhelmed. For many of us, the world has never felt more unstable or less certain. It seems every day we are hit with another set of circumstances that call upon us to adapt, cope, hustle, and make it work. In our daily lives, we may find ourselves struggling to homeschool our kids, balance our jobs, or care for our health. At the same time, many of us are worried about broader political and societal concerns, be it the circumstances of the pandemic, the threat of natural disasters, or the division in our country. Amidst this sense of inner and outer turmoil, many of us are looking for a sense of calm inside the storm.
Finding a sense of peace is an exercise in focusing our attention, a task that isn’t as easy when the noise of the world is demanding our attention. Here in California, even an act as simple as taking a breath of fresh air has been a challenge, as we endure smoke from hazardous wildfires. So how do we cope in an increasingly chaotic landscape? I would argue that the first step is to put our mental well-being front and center. Orienting ourselves toward a healthier mindset and building our resilience are essential to powering through the trials of our time. Here are three suggestions for enhancing our mental health at this moment.
1. Learn About Emotional Inflammation
Dr. Lise Van Susteran describes the modern affliction of coping with the anger and anxiety of a dark and tumultuous news cycle as “emotional inflammation.” In her new book co-authored by health journalist Stacey Colino, Van Susteran describes this condition as “afflicting millions of women and men who are currently living in our noisy, chaotic, confusing, and often contentious world.” The symptoms of emotional inflammation can include “a maelstrom of anticipatory anxiety, nameless dread, an ongoing state of high alert, or new levels of hyperactivity, agitation, and hypervigilance.” People may also experience post-traumatic or “pre-traumatic” stress symptoms, as they experience or anticipate frightening scenarios.
In her research, Dr. Van Susteren has created a program called RESTORE, which is designed to help individuals discover their “reactor type” for emotional inflammation and shows a method how to become more grounded and resilient in turbulent times. On Oct. 9, she and Colino will lead a free, one-hour webinar online to explain how emotional inflammation works and what we can do about it, in order to both find a sense of calm and to take effective action.
2. Reflect on What Gives Your Life Meaning
Studies from a few years ago revealed that the key to a happy and fulfilling life is not necessarily to seek happiness or pleasure, but rather to pursue meaning. In fact, researchers discovered that the pursuit of happiness can actually negatively affect a person’s well-being. When you think about this in terms of our present circumstances, being thrown out of our usual routine may also throw us out of our usual patterns of pleasure-seeking. Instead, we’re forced to look more closely at what makes a day meaningful.
Many of us are missing family and friends or missing aspects of ourselves that are harder to express, e.g., our social side, our love of exploring, or our desire for adventure. Yet, while the way we express these parts of ourselves may be changing, we can still connect to these aspects of who we are and what we care about. Now is a time to hone in on what matters to us. Which people do we know who light us up? What types of communication make us feel more deeply connected to ourselves? What activities enliven us? How can we make space for these activities in our new life?
Some examples I’ve come across from friends and people I work with include: weekly video chats with friends they didn’t reach out to as much pre-pandemic, writing or exploring a creative interest that awaken new thoughts and ideas, taking an online class in something they never made time for but always wanted to learn, cooking with their family instead of in isolation, enjoying more affection with their partner, watching movies they can talk about with their spouse rather than both zoning out on different tv shows, reading to their kids instead of being on devices. Even an act as simple as sitting with a friend from a safe distance and with the freedom of talking with no sense of urgency about having to go somewhere can deepen the connection between two people. Offering ourselves the gift of presence reminds us why we love our friends, our kids, our partners, our hobbies, our passions, and essentially, our lives.
3. Make Your Actions Match What Matters to You
When we’re anxious, many of us fall back into our old self-protective defenses and start to live in a reactive mode. The trouble with this mode is that it is based on adaptations to our childhoods and doesn’t typically serve us in the moment. Most of us would like to be our best selves when life gets challenging, yet the intensity of our circumstances can trigger old, negative patterns in us. It’s valuable to remind ourselves that even in an unprecedented period, that moment when we have a big emotional reaction that doesn’t fit the immediate situation, a lot of that reaction has to do with the past.
Our deep intense feelings of powerlessness tap into early emotions and existential fears. While our reactions are often a response to a trigger that occurs in the moment, the intensity of our reactions can actually come from deeper, more core emotions that can be traced to our developmental years. Our triggered reactions often make us feel like we are in survival mode, ready to freeze, flee, or fight. We may snap at our kid, stonewall our partner, or turn against ourselves based on a feeling that something is happening in the moment. The truth is just because we feel something doesn’t mean it’s real.
If we want to be resilient, calm, and free to pursue what we want in our lives, we have to get to know the triggers and patterns that undercut our efforts to pursue meaning. For example, if our goal is to be close to our partner, we should start to learn all of our patterns that interfere with this effort. If our goal is to be kinder to ourselves, we should get to know the “critical inner voice” that tears us down in our daily lives.
Now is a really good time to learn about our defenses and how they limit us in our lives. We can start to look at our reactions with curiosity and compassion, asking ourselves “why did I feel that way in that moment?” “How may this intense emotion tie into my deeper fears or old feelings I had as a child when I was actually powerless?” Getting to know ourselves in this way helps us clear a path to pursue what matters to us in a fuller way that actually expands our lives and enhances our sense of calm, even in turbulent times.
