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Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is for couples who are emotionally distressed, stuck in an unsatisfying relationship pattern or feeling deeply alienated. They may even believe the relationship is beyond repair. Very often, the partners display intense anger, fear, grief, loss of trust, or a sense of betrayal in the relationship. In addition, EFT is helpful to couples and individuals who have difficulty expressing emotions and those who have trouble regulating emotions.

People need emotionally focused therapy because the need for others is built into the brain, but the pressures of daily life can erode feelings of love, and couples often do not have the skills to find their way back to the comfort of each other. Instead, they may be stuck in repetitive patterns of anger, fear, grief, loss of trust, or a sense of betrayal. Emotionally focused therapy regards such strong negative feelings as expressions of protest over the loss of connection and turns them into pathways of reconnection.

Over the course of eight to 20 weekly sessions, couples de-escalate their negative emotional reactivity to one another so that they can listen to each other and be responsive to each other’s needs. Then the deep emotional and physical bond is restored, giving partners a sense of comfort and security, which they can use to solve whatever problems come their way. The therapist plays an active role, helping partners understand how anger and withdrawal are actually misguided cries for connection.

EFT is designed to help couples stuck in dysfunctional relationship patterns regain closeness and rebuild their relationship. Typically, such couples experience considerable distress, with partners feeling alienated and distrustful of one another, not certain their relationship can survive. EFT is also helpful to individuals experiencing attachment-related fears of loss; it helps them learn to use their fears as a way of eliciting the closeness they desire.