Couples Counseling Therapists in Santa Barbara, CA

If you have ever felt anxious, angry, depressed, lonely, unmotivated or overwhelmed, you are not alone. Life can be stressful at times. We all need some guidance and support. And finding the right therapist can be a challenging and often overwhelming experience. My therapeutic style is dynamic, genuine, and —straight forward. My aim is to help you learn practical solutions for growth and change by setting realistic goals, identifying unhealthy patterns, and understanding the underlying causes of your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Everyone can use a little help at times. Children and adults often experience difficult emotions, such as anxiety, depression and anger that are hard to handle and interfere with relationships and quality of life. I will help you alleviate these unwanted symptoms, improve functioning and improve your relationships. I work with adults and couples who are having struggles in their personal lives. I also specialize in working with those who have experienced sexual trauma.

Life can be challenging and you deserve a place to explore and to move toward implementing change in a supportive environment. The therapeutic container offers an open and confidential place to sort through whatever is challenging you. You may know what that is – anxiety, depression, confusion, self-worth issues, loneliness, relationship challenges, trauma, life transitions - or you may need a place to figure out what’s holding you back from what you want. The unique connection offered in a therapeutic environment allows for these questions to be asked, for exploration to take place, and for answers to be found.

I most often work with clients 18-30 struggling with managing mood disorders such as anxiety/depression, coping with academic and work stress, trying to develop and deepen relationships, and often with those needing treatment for eating disorder behaviors. I also work with couples , married or unmarried, desiring to resolve conflict and deepen emotional intimacy.

Is stress, anxiety, or depression coming to the forefront? Has your relationship become challenging? Would you like to re-discover yourself or re-invent your relationship ? I am here to support you in living from the experience of your authentic, best self, individually and in your partnership. Together we will expand your capacity to feel balanced, resourceful, and resilient and to live fully with positive change that can last. Our journey will be personalized and unique to your needs and goals. I support your self-discovery process, integrating mind, body, emotions, and spirit in wholeness.

Relationships in Crisis: We Have Four 75 Minute Private Couples /Marriage Workshops & Individual Sessions, in order to Rapidly Accelerate Your Healing & Your Communication Process (Traditional 45 min. session Does Not Work). During these 4 to 6 weeks, we will see both of you Together & Individually, as well as Help each of you Learn the Art of Empathy, Sensitivity & Compassion. These Workshops are Informative & Powerful, in order to Accelerate the Healing Process & Stop any further Damage from Occurring. In Addition, Our Success RATE is 85% of Our Couples that have Successfully Completed Our Couples Workshops or Alcohol Treatment.

Have you ever felt too overwhelmed to deal with your problems? Are you stuck in the past or thinking too much about the “what if’s” of the future? Do you want to improve your relationships?

In our high paced and stressful daily lives, it is easy to feel anxious and uncertain. These feelings can be magnified during transitional periods in our lives, limiting us, and impeding our growth. Psychotherapy can help empower us to move forward with concrete strategies to meet daily challenges, navigate transitions, and grow to feel happy and more confident. Dr. Lender's areas of specialty include anxiety, depression, sleep issues, relationship concerns, personal empowerment, technology use balance, and life transitions.

EFFECTIVE PSYCHOTHERAPY .... ---involves more than someone giving you sage advice or counseling --- involves more than sitting and talking with a kind, patient and empathic professional --- involves more than simply identifying and changing negative thoughts and doubts --- involves more than feeling your hurt feelings and catharsis --- involves more than learning mindfulness or meditation --- does not occur in a few sessions. Effective psychotherapy integrates all these processes tailored to your life and provides you with TOOLS with which to make better decisions about your life, and manage and heal your emotional issues and traumas. .

Our quality of life is determined by the quality of our relationships. Whatever your goals may be, change is an inside job, and I'm here to be both a witness and a resource in that complex process. I'm a firm believer in establishing the basics of well-being and then slowly building on that core foundation. When we let go of shame and judgments around emotions, we allow space to cultivate more curiosity, compassion, acceptance, resiliency, and joy. When we utilize mistakes as informational gifts we can strengthen and clarify the authentic self.

Over the past 30+ years, I have had the honor of treating people of all ages from all walks of life. I am a licensed psychologist with experience treating various types of depression, mood difficulties, anxiety, stress, OCD, as well as relationship or couple-related conflict. My approach draws from cognitive-behavioral and psychodynamic therapies supported by research, and is tailored to meet the specific needs of the individual. I also offer Gottman Method Couples Therapy for those who want to improve their relationship . Recently retired from UCSB, I offer therapy to students who have the UC SHIP insurance at no cost to them.

If you are in the grips of anxiety, troubled relationships, grief, or other issues that threaten to overwhelm your ability to function or be happy in your life, I look forward to working with you in a safe and non-judgmental way. I use a collaborative approach and actively seek your feedback to provide you with therapy that matches your needs and respects your goals.

Taking steps to create a more fulfilling life may be one of the most profound actions one can undertake. I believe that walking this path requires developing a curious and accepting relationship with oneself as well as being witnessed and supported by another - be they a therapist, partner , friend or family member. Once on this path, one can heal limiting beliefs, hurtful behaviors, and unhealthy relationships, and move toward a life of fulfillment, purpose and ease.

If the relationship you are in is struggling, if you feel alone or as if you keep having the same fight, if you are struggling with some type of betrayal or anger  I can help.  In your first sessions we will discover the things that are holding your relationship back from being what you thought it could be when you first met. As we work together I will help you identify where new skills are needed and get you headed toward the relationship you have been longing for.  

Are you extremely successful in the world and in your career, yet feel like something on the inside is missing? Do you experience bouts of discontent, frustration, even loneliness? Perhaps you have spent years building a business that you are genuinely proud of but your relationships have suffered - with a spouse , children, family and, most importantly, with yourself. I am passionate about working with uncommonly gifted people who are willing to take a leap, to explore their own rich, mysterious inner world and develop more intimate and meaningful relationships. Would you like greater access to your true inner gifts and strengths?

Welcome! I help people with a variety of problems, from depression and anxiety to trauma and recovery. I can help you. I am a depth therapist (seeing causes, rather than only symptoms) and a somatic therapist (integrating a healthy mind and body), and I've found that more important than my background is a non-judgmental attitude, attention to your personal needs, and the quality of a collaborative therapy relationship . I'm on your side. My clients gain crucial insights, learn essential coping skills and dramatically improve their relationships, outlook, and prospects for the future. Their lives become much more vital and satisfying.

During these difficult times, how would your life be different if you had someone to speak with about the issues that you are struggling with NOW? What if you could have an intimate, stimulating and long-lasting love affair with your partner ? Could you imagine yourself, your partner or a family member learning how to take responsibility for thinking, feeling and behaviors so that life was satisfying and successful rather than stressful and disorganized? Well...that is possible.

Finding the right therapist is important. I approach therapy in a warm and relational way, and believe confidentiality and non-judgmental responses are crucial to creating a safe and trusting space. I know it can be hard to open up and start the process, so I make sure my client's feel comfortable to talk about the hard things and share about themselves authentically. Many of the situations I help people with involve experiencing depression or anxiety, processing recent or past trauma, important life or identity transitions, adolescent struggles, relationship concerns, and wanting personal growth and healing.