Self Tests > Relationships > Family Estrangement Test for Parents
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Family Estrangement Test for Parents

20 Questions
3 Minutes

Can My Relationship with My Adult Child Be Repaired?

For an increasing number of young adults, cutting all ties with one or both parents—going full no-contact—is seen as a necessary way to manage real or perceived difficulties in the relationship. But it is rarely a satisfying one. Do you have what it takes to maintain ties with a disgruntled adult child?

Using the key below, answer the questions based on how strongly you agree or disagree with the statement.

Strongly Disagree
Disagree
Neutral
Strongly Agree
Agree
1. I feel ashamed that my child isn’t speaking to me.
Disagree
Agree
2. I disapprove of my child’s lifestyle choice(s), and nothing can change my mind.
Disagree
Agree
3. My child needs to recognize that I did everything I could for them growing up.
Disagree
Agree
4. Giving financial support to my child entitles me to have a say in how they live.
Disagree
Agree
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5. I often think of my child even though we are not in contact.
Disagree
Agree
6. My child was perfectly happy with their upbringing until after becoming an adult.
Disagree
Agree
7. My child believes that having a relationship with a parent is optional as an adult.
Disagree
Agree
8. Although my child isn’t talking to me, I still send notes to convey how much I care.
Disagree
Agree
9. Until my child can admit I did nothing wrong as a parent, it’s best not to talk to them.
Disagree
Agree
10. I feel I have to walk on eggshells around my adult child.
Disagree
Agree
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11. My child insists that I didn’t pay enough attention to their needs when growing up.
Disagree
Agree
12. I do not see eye-to-eye with my child on many things, but we have an OK relationship.
Disagree
Agree
13. My child blames me for everything that doesn’t go right in their life.
Disagree
Agree
14. When my child lists things that were wrong with their upbringing, I don’t understand what they’re talking about.
Disagree
Agree
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15. My child’s partner convinced them that cutting off family ties is best for their growth.
Disagree
Agree
16. The conditions my child sets for a relationship with me are unacceptable.
Disagree
Agree
17. My child has no idea what a difficult childhood really is.
Disagree
Agree
18. I would be happy to reconnect with my child under any terms they set.
Disagree
Agree
19. My child thinks I’m trying to control them when I’m only giving them advice.
Disagree
Agree
20. My relationship with my child has always been stressful.
Disagree
Agree
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Who is this test of family estrangement for?

This test is for any adult who has concerns about their relationship with their adult child. It is designed for adults and is not intended to be prescriptive.

We value your privacy - see how we protect the info you provide when you take this test.

How to Get Help for Family Estrangement

If you are challenged or distressed by difficulties in maintaining a relationship with one or more of your children, you can speak to a mental health professional about ways to actively address them. You can find someone in the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

References

Joshua Coleman, Ph.D. Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict. Harmony. 2024

Karl Pillemer, Ph.D. Fault Lines: Fractured Families and  How to Mend Them. Avery. 2022.

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