Experts suggest ways to correct habits that keep us from resting well
Verified by Psychology Today
I have spent the last few months working on finding (read admitting and owning) my true sexual nature. A lot of reading and surfing involved. My wife thinks I am being a bit obsessed about it, which may be a tiny bit true, but that is the nature of the a quest. To be involved in a quest is to be driven. I still maintain a healthy life otherwise, but I am really focused on getting answers and creating greater intimacy with my wife. It can be difficult to "self-moderate" when you stumble upon bit of knowledged that results in a "come to Jesus" moment. You feel so compelled to share with your partner or others that it's not easy to avoid being a proslytizer. You don't want them ducking when they see you coming, you know.
When you begin to see how freeing it is have an open and accepting attitude about your own sexual wants, needs and desires you do wonder what all the shame and guilt was about all of these years. When you can say, "I want to..." or "Will you..." to your partner and then act on it or be acted upon, a whole new world of erotic sexual pleasure and intimacy opens up. The foreplay is better. The sex is better. And the orgasms are stupendious.
A very interesting part is the frustration of unrealized fantasies is relieved. You try it; you like it and then adopt it for the future. OR You try it and discover it doesn't work for you, her or both of you and no longer continue to live with the frustration of an unrealized fantasy haunting your sex life. You may find her pentrating you with a strap-on is really uncomfortable in many ways both physically and emotionally for one or both of you: Too much pain for too little pleasure, icky clean up, is he hiding a gay side from me, I don't like being a dom, I don't like the possible smell of fecal residue when we thrust in and out, whatever. You can now chalk that off, move on and not mourn it for the rest of your life. There are a lot of positions in porn that look good as still photos, but are impossible to sustain without adequate stamina, endurance and comfort. Have the courage to let your mate know so you can try them, adopt them, dump them or whatever and have sexual peace of mind and a more erotically charged sex life. Keep putting it off and age, lack of flexibility, stamina, endurance and the necessary rock-hard erection will no longer be available to you or you partner. If you can't get in or stay in, you can't chase that dream. Sad, but true.
When did gender become the one thing that we're not suppose to change?
All babies have the exact same genital tissue when they are conceived.
Many woman still have no sexual agency inside their own culture.
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.