Values are what bring distinction to your life. You don't find them, you choose them. And when you do, you're on the path to fulfillment.
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Everything you have been taught is pure bullch*t. People are not inherently monogamous. As much as we would like to tell, teach, or fool ourselves--they simply are not. We are not swans. We do not mate for life. Our media, movies, blogs, google searches, EVERYTHING all confirm this. You are not alone. This happens to EVERYONE.
I wish we did. But we aren't there yet as a species.
You are all here seeking some resolve in your hour of need. Your darkness. You have all put in the search words and arrived here. You are not alone.
This should give you comfort--but it won't.
There are people out there who offer themselves to taken relationships and those relationships falter because of it.
Your spouse doesn't want to lose you over a piece of a** and so you fight to find reason. They feel exhilarated at what they are doing, despite how messy it gets... and make an utter mess of our lives, children included.
The only reason you need is this...
"I just wanted to f*(k them."
Maybe you need to hear them say that. Okay... Ask them to say it. You will feel better. You will stop analyzing things and trying to make sense of them.
Whatever you have built. Whatever it is you think is destroyed never existed without this little weak spot in your fence.
You had clues. You knew it was there. You didn't just happen upon their phone. You chose to ignore it. In your comfort, for your kids, because you are penniless, because of so many things... if you are being honest with yourself... you chose to ignore it.
The article is saying... if this isn't okay with you. If this feeling is not right... it doesn't matter what is in their phone... Just leave.
Because all people, cheat. There may be a 1% that doesn't but you are all going to fight over it--and that would result in .... cheating...
All people, maybe not now... maybe you have grown, or had it done to you or did it to someone else... and you have since decide within your heart to no longer behave this way.... but we are all the same species.
The article is saying, what you are going to find essentially is.. I just wanted to f**k them.
There is no magic answer.
Kungfu Panda... There is no secret.
If you are not okay with that.... then leave.
If you can still make a decent life for yourself knowing this... then stay.
If you can hang in there for your kids, accept your partner and take whatever they say to you with a grain of salt... fine.
It is completely up to you. There is no right answer.
(I should mention this doesn't count psychos who just want to clean out your bank account and leave you)
There is no promise that the next person will be better.
Again, we just aren't there are a species.
All alcohol, travel, a shi**y father, a bad example, a moment of weakness, a tomb of endless BS and you still get to the same place.
When you close your eyes to make love to your mate.... are you thinking of them?
It's okay. Johnny Depp shows up. Whatever... this is just where we are as a species. But men propagate the species. They look to spread it. It finds them with some woman that needs help fixing her goddamned Ipad or whatever...
Figure out what you are okay with.
The kid that sold you paint at the hardware store has nice legs.
Old folks homes are full of STD's for a reason.
It is inherently within us to breed. To want to copulate.
Try to fight it.
Try to be good. Stay home. Don't go out drinking. Be at their beck and call. Honestly be able to say that you did everything, have a body that won't quit, and this will still rise to bite you.
Your walls are not impervious.
The article is stating that if you have come so far as to spy on a phone, then you are not okay with it, and you need to go.
They do not teach us realism. Though we are surrounded by it, we believe somehow our lives are not effected.
Gradudate school training does not sufficiently guide you about what to do.
A new documentary shows how multiple factors are at work in self-destruction.
Understanding the cause of competition and meanness makes coping easier.
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.