“But—and here's the irony—people who maintain their novelty-seeking in maturity move to the front of the class because they become more capable with age, in many instances, of developing purpose and concern for others.”

If you were brought up in a repressive environment (my case) you may find that age and the resilience muscles you have built, give you the confidence to try new things, without hearing inherited-self-defeating musack in your head. I am much more courageous and emotionally brave now than I was at 20, with less hang ups. I will not get drunk (and vomit in the potted plants) to compensate for my insecurities and social anxiety. I know that people may feel more insecure than you do and manners make people feel comfortable.

Changing a habit detrimental to your health and well-being is hard enough, but in my experience watching a loved one self-destruct is harder. They send S.O.S but give the wrong co-ordinates, you can get lost being the “saving” one.

You try understanding, and being kind, because you know that making them feel like crap for their addiction is counter-productive, you don’t always succeed, especially if you have been let down once again. You say “ if you have the power to self-destruct – you also have the power to build yourself again” to no avail.
You have the AA - stand by them - stance and the cut them out of your life - up to date psych modern stance. Even if you know that there is nothing you can do when someone is hell bent on self-destruction but stand your ground, carry a self-preserver life-jacket and offer compassion. And rage against the cultural soup and familial history that brought them there, and their inability to emerge from it.

Reading Freud in the public library saved me from the destiny “you are useless girl” my parents “ had for me.