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The problem here is that you see yourself as a parent...one of three. You are not a parent. You simply are not. You have no right to be treated as such. You are an invited guest in their lives....only they didn't invite you. It is YOUR JOB to suck up your need for admiration and realize that you are not a parent. You knew he had kids. You married him anyway.
I am a step mother who does almost everything for my step children. I knew what I was getting into. I accepted that. What step mothers need to realize is that they have NO RIGHT to place their own emotional needs above the feelings of the children involved. No right whatsoever to consider themselves a parent.
It is not the 3 if you. You married him. Not the children. If you accepted that and the responsibilities that go along with that...that was a decision YOU made. Not them. You have no right to their affection or gratitude. I can understand why you would want it. But you have no right to it. They didn't ask for this. They didn't choose this. YOU did.
You have the right to be treated with dignity and respect. To have house rules followed. To be spoken to without verbal abuse. But, you have no right to see yourself as a parent if the mom is still in the picture no matter what you think of her or what he says about her parenting. Her parenting is none of your business. The parents are her and him. Not him, you and her. Accept that if you see yourself in any greater role, demand their affection or gratitude or harbor unspoken resentment towards their mother? YOU are the problem. Not the mom. Not the kids. YOU and most likely him. And you will drive those kids away faster than you can imagine.
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