Having an affair is a choice. I had about twenty seconds to decide whether to have the affair or not. When I opted to finally do it, here's what made me do it: years of being in an unloving relationship where the guy acted like my need for sex and love was pathetic. Now he is pathetic. I got the kids, have continued my affair with the man that makes me feel like a woman with a capital W. He was married too, but thank god his divorce is also now under way. Spouses can be real asses, but I can tell you this: I would never cheat on the man I'm with now. I wouldn't need to. I was pushed into someone else's arms. My new guy was pushed into mine by a woman so manipulative and destructive, she actually admitted her original aim was to win him over his kids, three orphans whose mother had died a year before she met my man. Context will do it, doctor. And I agree the current discussion of affairs and what launches them is ignorant at best and righteous at worst. Affairs are, more often than people would like to admit, relationships in the bud. The archaic biblical view if adulterers as horrible sinners deserving a flogging is nonscientific, demeaning and plain old stupid. Continuing to view cheaters as home wreckers is the blind attitude that will keep infidelity and the desperation at its wake happening time and time again. Marriage should be retaught with newer assumptions at its base: husbands, wives should know certain behaviors will send their spouses astray. Calling them sluts and bastards is not the way to study this epidemic. It's the sure fire way to remain profoundly ignorant and thus of no help to the betrayed. The betrayed need to gain knowledge as to why it happened to them so they experience less pain and trauma. From a cheater's point of view, I can but say: it takes two to tango, in and out of any relationship. People DO cheat for a reason. As painful as that may be to the betrayed. In some cases there may just be a need to diversify. In my case it was two people ending two abusive relationships to find each other. We were victims too. How often does a victim become a victimizer? Often. Those so close to is who took the liberty to hurt us should have seen it coming

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