As a bereaved mother and author of the novel, Saving Elijah, which was inspired by my own experience of losing my son, I need to point out that the problem isn't so much whether time heals all wounds or not. We incorporate our losses into our lives, and the only question is what kind of person will be become as we do so. The problem when people spout cliches like "Time heals" is rather that saying so to someone who's really hurting "de-legitimizes" what he or she is feeling right NOW. This is hard to take when you're already feeling isolated and lost. You might as well kick a wounded dog.
As I say in a recent article for and my post of April 30 at, for all the violence and death we Americans see in our entertainment, we want our real pain shrink-wrapped, bloodless, and over fast. That's why people spout cliches like "Time will heal," and "God must have wanted him," and give advice like "Have another child," "Start dating again" and so on. Unfortunately there is no quick fix to alleviate the volatile, long-lasting, often ugly emotional stew that is grief, and the fact is raw emotion makes most people uncomfortable, and they say these these to try to make themselves LESS uncomfortable.
Time does in some sense heal our wounds, and we may learn that in time, but grief is a journey. When we undertake it we have no idea where it will take us. We need someone to walk with us quietly, but we must lead the way.

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