This article resonated with me on so many levels. If I'd known "then" to apply these (3) principals during virtually every relationship/conflict experience -I think it might have been a game changer.
I might have recognized -much earlier -that I was married & living an inauthentic impossible life with a sociopath .
During the most classic of life lessons that everyone at some stage of life will experience, if me/our children experienced& felt REAL "feelings" of remorse (AKA weakness), he would undermine, invalidate,, and invoke shame upon us while "teaching" us to prefer rewards of $$ + instant gratification by NOT:: thinking or feeling , RATHER: spin and exploit the situation. After all, why chose to waste time by thinking of the past or caring how others may feel if it would burden you in any way . I don't think he ever apologized, it's hard to recall if he ever uttered the "I'm sorry" words; but he cried once and told me to "look at THE tear", --My kids are grown now, we've divorced, and it's been 2 years of hard work unraveling the damage vs reality. It's painful
( I feel guilty) that my kids still experience his wrath when they have to express their needs/opinions--I imagine it triggers something he doesn't like down deep.
I don't believe you can *teach* someone to *feel* empathy if they really don't * feel *it; at best, maybe they're taught how to respond in ways considered socially acceptable.
I hope my aforementioned somewhat makes sense & why this article reasonated with me so much. You really do need ALL (3) steps to effectuate real change.

Thank you for this article and for allowing me to vent.