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I know you meant well, but your "man-up" advice is way off base.
I am not being childish at all. I have looked at this situation realistically, I don't "idealize" this woman, I am actively working on my marriage and I put my responsibilities to my wife and family first.
Also, I can assure you that my wife would not be better off, "let go".
I've been manned-up for a long time and I'll bet I have been well into adulthood for far longer than you.
I know its anti-psychobabble, but sometimes we actually do fall in love with someone--unfulfilled childhood issues aside.
Too often doing the right and responsible thing is what keeps us from being happy. It may be unpopular to say, but being a responsible adult requires putting other's first.
I'm sorry if I came off harsh, but I found your advice simplistic and condescending, as well as, sounding as if it does not come from life experience.
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