How to activate your brain's superpowers.
Verified by Psychology Today
"Studies suggest" isn't a great way to dispense with the burden of proof. I'm friends with my ex because I still love him. That doesn't mean I'm jealous or trying to win him back. I respect the reasons for the breakup and I wouldn't drag us through that again for a million bucks. I look forward to the day when a kinder, gentler society tells us it's OK to stay friends because of love or because of concern for someone who's still in love. My ex was ex-cellent at helping me through the emotional aftermath. If I can do that for someone someday I will. And if I ever get to the point where helping someone out of genuine concern is conflated with exceeding my boundaries, I hope some angel reminds me that the reason we're here on earth is to help one another -- and to love one another.
That would be a great note to end on, but, sorry, there's more. You talk as though "moving on" to another romantic relationship is the one and only worthy end game here. My beloved and I are long in the tooth. It's OK if I'm not in the meet market [at any age but] especially at my age. The single life is respected in my Church. The single life is a choice everyone has the right to in the kinder, gentler society I envision.
You talk about kids stalking each other. Well, they're confused. Humans are designed to live and die in the same community with the same family and friends. The notion that our friends are disposable and that we can opt out of these connections is a new one on everyone. It's contrary to our nature. It has to be learned. But I must say people could be gentled into it by the community's efforts to mend fences between any two people who are so at odds with one another that one will not speak to another. If there are unresolved issues, that's when someone gets lots of messages on his phone that he doesn't want. It's like the Beatles said, "I won't want to stay; I don't have much to say." All they want to do is resolve the issues so they can grow past the split. Guidance counselors everywhere should institutionalize issue resolution so that kids will grow up and be able and inclined to do it on their own, and for their friends who are struggling with it.
This was really off-the-cuff. But if I stop and edit I may lose my nerve.
The desire to be seen in a positive light can give rise to dangerous behaviors.
Anxiety about rejection can undermine satisfaction.
Doing well can be a double-edged sword.
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.