A loving relationship can be an oasis in uncertain times, but nurturing it requires attention, honesty, openness, vulnerability, and gratitude.
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We all date but for different reasons. Some just to date not wanting a relationship which is fine. Some date looking for a relationship which is fine. It depends on our life at the time. Our priorities change for us as we grow/mature. I have been where I didn't want a relationship but I didn't mind dating or being intimate if dating someone. I gave that up because they ended up wanting too much from me for where I was at emotionally with them. I was honest so they knew but I still hurt them and that was not what I wanted. I can tell what a man is looking for soon after meeting him. If I am not in relationship mode and they are I turn them into friends and they understand if I do it right away. I have some that still call or visit and have been for ten years. They still flirt with me but they also find that I will only go so far with that. Once the flirting or jokes become to personal for just friends I drop the ball, no text response or I joke it off. I know them very well now and although wonderful men they are not what I need for me. We all have an inner voice that tells us if something is right for us or not. The problem seems to be that we don't listen to it most of the time. Instead we listen to our bodies and emotions which take us no where if what were looking at is not a good fit for who we really are. Remaining true to ourselves is important if we want to meet the right person. Being ourselves is important or we will have to fake it the rest of our lives to support that relationship or it won't work. Physical attraction is not love its just having the hots for someone. Attraction takes but a moment to happen and it can feel like love or like were falling in love but it isn't love. Love comes after getting to know who the person is which is why they call it falling in love not jumping. Falling into a true state of love takes time and for some reason we all seem to be in a big hurry to make it happen right now. The bad part about learning this in life is I didn't date as often after that. It's not that I am a snob or think I am better but I am picky about who I am with in a different way now. I would rather be alone than date someone for a long time knowing I can never be in love with them. I wasted three years of my life doing that and I mean wasted. What did I miss that was real while I was playing at love or life? Now I see red flags when I talk to a man I never saw before. Why? Because now I know me and what I need for myself and in a relationship. It slims down the pickings so to speak but well worth it. Saves me loads of drama, heartache and I have a more satisfied feeling internally about myself. I found it's important to know how to be alone before we share ourselves and our life with another. It makes for a growth in us we don't get otherwise.
Right now my dating style believe it or not is seeing more than one man and sleeping with none. I see no point in starting something ( love relationship) have no intention of finishing.
I have learned a lot from the men I date. Since I don't sleep with them were much more open and honest. Don't misunderstand I am sure they are getting it someplace but it is none of my business so we don't discuss it. Nothing is muddled up like it is if you are in bed together. I know they are still attracted to me and they test me once in awhile in that regard but I don't move on it. I was recently told by one of them that I took his breath away the last time he stopped by. I was in jeans and a tank top working in the garden when he pulled in. Then he said I have a mystery or magic about me and when he saw me that day he had trouble getting his words out and yet I have known him a long time. It is funny how others see us compared to how we see ourselves. I have learned a lot from these men both about how men view me and myself. It is nice to know they like me for who I am not just want me. You can make anyone want you for a moment but to have them really like and respect who you are. Wow! I think that is the best compliment you can have from a man.
Good luck to all of us no matter what our dating style is.
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