NB wrote "as soon as you start expecting things from your partner, you are really just imposing your needs on them. Not their needs - your needs! "

I so agree with that! So often we start using our partners in a selfish way instead of growing up ourselves; for instance using a partner as an emotional 'dump' when we're upset instead of learning to deal with our own emotions.

Or expecting a partner to 'understand' too often, using 'I'm sorry' as an excuse rather than as a pledge to stop doing 'it' whatever 'it' may be. There are so many dismissive/using behaviors that spouses can fall into with each other. I would say the most toxic of these is blaming a partner for your own unhappiness.

There's a quote that sums it up for me -- "Marriage isn't supposed to make you happy, it's just supposed to make you married."

Marriage isn't a panacea, silver bullet, or ticket to happiness. Marriage is a state-sanctioned legal contract between lovers having to do with the eventual disposition of jointly-held assets and the care of minor children.

However -- that contract can run your life for a very long time. I totally understand people who don't want to make their love/sex lives subject to a government contract.

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