The COVID crisis throws into relief what happens when grief has—quite literally—nowhere to go. The evidence suggests that most people summon strengths that surpass their own expectations.
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I'll answer this question for you. I left home for college about ten years before anyone ever even identified BPD as a syndrome.
Yes, the truth is that my dad "enabled" my high-functioning BPD mother. But no one knew what BPD was and my mom didn't hit us or threaten our safety, although I realize that some BPDs do - there are a lot of different BPDs.
My dad was the only person who didn't simply look away when my mother told me I was a good for nothing idiot. He was the only person who indicated to me that sometimes my mom didn't tell the truth and that he believed me.
So you want me to dislike my dad for being the only person who dared to cross my mom and affirm me? In an era when no one knew what BPD was?
Actually, my therapist *did* tell me I should get mad at my dad (he's deceased, by the way). But I can't just produce feelings because someone tells me I should feel them, as any child of a BPD should know.
BPD manifests itself in a lot of different ways. If my mother had tried to drop me off a bridge and my dad hadn't intervened, I'd be darn angry at him. As it is, I'm MORE angry at all the other relatives who said nothing as my mother told a bald-faced lie and whose silence just added to me feeling like I was crazy and seeing things - as she accused me of. And who then would constantly tell me what a wonderful woman she was.
I love my dad because he didn't think I was crazy and because he believed in me.
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