Understanding the world as it really is—random—can liberate and empower us.
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If you are a co-parent with an abusive in the house or out of the house, you have to do what you can to stop the abuse. This will shift the abuse to you, but, that's your job, in my view. I think that a parent who watches a spouse do this and sits it out is complicit in the fall out from the abuse.
With other people's children, I think that you can encourage your children to invite their not so fortunate friends into a calmer environment.
This is very hard for children -- parents are supposed to be safe. When parents are abusive, the children have to try to bring order to their world and twist things to confirm that their upbringing is with parents who love them.
The eventual realization that an abusive parent does not act loving, despite the parent's subjective belief that they love their children, is so, so very hard for children (and later as adults) to understand and accept.
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