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This is a difficult question because everybody is different so there is no standard answer. I am not sure how much you know about the way we masochists' minds operate or that we are usually very secretive particularly if we have what is termed a chronic self-defeating personality disorder like me but have never been diagnosed or treated for that nor have any desire ti ve deprived of foing what we like doing as we are not harming anybody else. sadists are rather different..
Basically a sexual masochist does not have "love" partners but he or she only has "Victors". A sexual sadist has "Victims" but it is extremely difficult for a loner who is masochistic to find someone who is sadist but that is not really necessary as anyway a sexual masochist can get more satisfaction from his victor feeling good at masochist's expense but not knowing the truth
The sadist's sexual satisfaction comes from making his victim suffer unhappiness, the masochist's sexual pleasure comes from making his victor experience real happiness and in both cases humiliation is often a key factor in the orgasm thoughts. In some cases the sadist may get this when actually having sex with his victim such as through a male rape or he may do it later. The masochist will not really wish to be a rape victim and usually enjoys his sex by masturbation alone either in hos own bed at home or sometimes in such places as the lavatory at workplace.
As well as their fantasies all alone in bed throughout their life some sexual masochists like me get the most wonderful sexual pleasure from acting out masochistic fantasies in real world to make someone else really enjoy humiating us, which a normal person will consider really weird because they just do not understand the masochist just gets this lovely secret pleasure from actually watching their Victor really happy from humiliating yourself without the victor knowing he was apartner in a sex act. We appear to others at workplace to have no interest in sex and be loners and to never share a bed in our life with any other human because we feel ashamed of our inability to have proper sex.. But secretly we get this pleasure when alone in bed from fantasies imagining others enjoying success against us at work or elsewhere.
But outside our fantasy world occasionally we secretly set up real life experiences with another person we "fancy" masochistically such as a person of same or opposite gender with extremely low self esteem who the masochist wants to enjoy feeling good at his own expense.
These can take a variety of forms perhaps at workplace or socially or in some venture like the armed forces. But one example - person A (masochist) challenges person B (intended victor) to a game of chess for a bet. for a sum of money say $250. Really A is a better chess player than B and can thrash him any time but during game A secretly sets up situations that enable B to get on top, such as working through moves to get B's knight in such a position that next move B can check him and then take his Queen etc. So eventually B wins the game and so feels great without realizing the victory he so enjoyed was contrived. A after paying B the £250 is secretly enjoying the most gorgeous sexual pleasure now says "please can we have another game for double or quits" acting the part of badly wanting to try to get his money back. B still flushed with his success agrees. Then A does much the same again appearing for about 20 minutes to be on course to now defeat B this time and so get his money back, but then suddenly when A appears to be on top and B is wishing he had never agreed to the second game now thinking he is going to lose, suddenly A (secretly) makes one or more careless mistakes (which are of course secretly deliberate) . The consequence is B checkmates him again and he feels over the moon as A has to give him another $500 swearing "why are you so effing good" and B begins to think what a stupid git that guy is ha ha. . Then A says "please can we have one more double or quits and B agrees and same thing happens again meaning A says he must go to an ATM and draw out another $1,000 to pay his debt but is secretly enjoying acting the part of being utterly humiliated by B's superior cleverness
So at end of evening B goes home with his wallet bulging with $2,000 feeling very very happy thinking that stupid twit deserved to lose his money coz he'se so thick compared to me be not knowing A is re-living during his jerk-off the being defeated and humiliated but also imagining in his fantasy world he is now in the most terrible financial trouble starving because he has lost all his money so can't pay his rent so is homeless and has no friends because he is such a twit and nothing is starving because he has no money to buy food because he is so stupid.
This may not be for you, but is just one example of how masochism might be dealt with in a constructive way that helps somebody else enjoy a confidence boost in their life in tandem with the masochist enjoying what is to him the most fabulous orgasm jerking off by himself which he thinks was worth every cent it cost him just like a normal heterosexual guy thinks a night in bed with a prostitute was worth what that cost him. Enjoyment of sex just makes us guys do stupid things whether we are sexually "normal" or whether we are into a paraphillia like I am.
The tricky process of mate selection, the second time around.
Relationships at risk
The failure to consider the future of your relationship
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