Values are what bring distinction to your life. You don't find them, you choose them. And when you do, you're on the path to fulfillment.
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Excellent article! It occurred to me that we protect perpetrators for many of the same reasons. We don't want to believe that "normal" people are capable of abusive behavior. People in our families, in the workplace. That person I rely on/am friends with COULDN'T be guilty of abuse! It's another way to believe the world is safe.
Also, we protect perpetrators as a way of protecting the little perpetrator in all of us who doesn't want to be demonized for our faults. Just like minimizing a victim's pain distances us from it, making excuses for the perpetrator is really making excuses for ourselves.
The desire to be seen in a positive light can give rise to dangerous behaviors.
Anxiety about rejection can undermine satisfaction.
Doing well can be a double-edged sword.
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