Sharing personal information brings people closer together. But how do you know when you’ve gone too far—or when someone else has ulterior motives?
Verified by Psychology Today
i have a question about a dating situation I was in, I was seeing this guy and things seemed to be going great. He would call, text, make plans and include me in all of his plans, I met his friends he met mine and we had a lot in common. We met on a dating site, and he said most of the people he met in person were nothing like how they were online,but me and him are very much alike...we have the same group of friends. He seemed to only really open up when he has been drinking, he told me one night that he has commitment issues due to a bad childhood and home life. Both his parents were alcoholics and his dad would hit his mom and him, when he got older he would fight his dad, they now don't have a relationship. his mom died of liver sclerosis 4 years ago, they were extremely close, he was crying after he told me about it. He told me that he wants a relationship with me, and that he wishes he could change who he was and how he was. He said he has a pattern of being with women and then leaving them a few weeks later,he said that he has never told anyone that he is like this, but didn't feel like that with me....we were slow with the sex stuff because he didn't want this to happen with me, we were going to wait till he felt ready.He was still going on the site, even tho we were dating( I figured this out after) I saw female text messages in his phone that were sexual…which upset me. He asked me one night for sexy pics, and he sent me one...I thought it was because we were in between seeing each other and this was just a way to be close. He said that we didn't have the were not going to talk to anyone else talk yet, so we did. The day after all this happened, he seemed to withdraw, which was starting to look normal,when he wasn't drinking this is how he was. i saw him 3 weekends ago, I haven't heard from him,he went to a concert and I think he hooked up with someone, he told me he was at a friends house( one of his friends, that I met and started to become friends with) his friend at first didn't mention he stayed over when we talked but the next day he texted me to see how I was doing, he knew I was upset that he hadn't called. His friend made a point to let me know that he was at house...which I found fishy. he wouldnt return my calls or texts, I'm not pushing and I'm being compassionate telling him how I feel and trying to give him time and space. I know it isn't a good relationship to want but I do. I just want to know if it's him and what he is saying would cause commitment issues and being close or is it me. I felt like we were really connecting. He told me that only his inner circle of friends knew who he really was, it seemed like when he was drinking, he was the person he wanted to be, when he was sober he was quieter and more to himself. Not very affectionate, I had to make the moves, kiss, hold hands...I met one of his close friends who is a female and he said he did this to her, but realized they were better friends. They are now talking, I sent one final text, saying I hope he talks to me one day, even if there's no interest, that I miss him and no hard feelings. He finally answered back saying "is it cool to just be friends". I said I would like to talk about about everything, and asked if he felt something towards me that wouldn't work or is this his commitment issues....he never answered back. I am having such a hard time moving past this, I really thought it was going somewhere, it literally changed overnight from him telling his friends all about me, and how awsome I am and that I was perfect for him and how cute we are. To this....I don't know what happened.
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.