There are universal forces. Some may call them good and evil. Some may call them light and dark. But within the universe there are the forces of attraction and repulsion ... these forces manifest in the life on this planet, too ... in its human form we call these forces "Love and Fear".

The relationships that fail are the ones where the balance of fear (repulsion) begins to outweigh the love (attachment/attraction). We have internal gravitational tendencies. Those that have had a consistent satisfactory, nurtured development where their security and other needs were met, where they had strong, consistent and healthy early attachments, developed internal stability, strong gravitational tendencies and see attachment as security. Others are not so fortunate. Their development contained strong experiences of doubts and uncertainty over security from their early attachments. Their brains learned that the attachment figure was not always a source of safety, but also a source of fear. This destabilised their internal balances. Later adult intimacies not only triggered love (attachment), but also fears (repulsion).

Love is a primary action tendency. Fear is a learned action tendency when early experiences of the primary action tendency repeatedly triggered survival mode.

The more the survival mode was triggered in that first relationship, the more likely that survival mode will be triggered in subsequent relationships. I'm not just talking the trauma of abuse or neglect here, I'm talking about any instance, what so ever, that a developing child experienced fear, for whatever reason, emanating from the first love object. In essence, all these experiences of fear are traumatic to the developing brain and impact upon later attempts at intimacy and attachment.