I am struck by how so many articles about relationships with BPD women counsel the man to be responsible and empathetic to her attempts and control and manipulation.

Yet, articles about relationships with narcissistic men counsel women to leave.

As a woman with a BPD mother and a Narcissistic ex-husband, I truly believe they are the same illness - at heart is a lack of empathy for others. And the patterns of behaviors are all attempts to control and manipulate to keep supply, instead of an equal vulnerable reciprocal relationship. I believe that these two labels, though I am well aware of the differences in the DSM, are gendered constructs based on societal roles and power dynamics.

But having grown up with a BPD mother, it does my father, and people in his position, a real disservice to counsel that he take ownership of a personality disordered person's feelings. Like with narcissism, the first advice to any person in a relationship with someone with a personality disorder is to protect oneself. And the best advice is to eventually leave if the personality disordered person does not seek to change for themselves their destructive patterns of behavior towards their family.

These kinds of articles are profoundly damaging to men. Men, no more than women, should not be forced into a caretaking role for someone with a personality disorder. Men, as much as women, deserve a loving equal reciprocal relationship.