I suffer much like your fathe did. I can't hug my sister, GFs daughter, any child without a sick and disgusting thought tormenting me. I am ashamed everyday for how I think. I've been tormented to the pint where I tell myself continuously that the only place for me is a jail cell. I even compare myself to serial pedophiles and think that I will be serving hard time like them someday. I live children. I have always wanted a son of my own but the older I get the worse it gets. It comes and goes in stages. I have also considered suicide thinking the world would be better off without me but I know I couldn't do it. I feel like I have shamed my family in skme way. When the thoughts are the worst, I avoid children like the plague. I can't even share a hug, kiss on the cheek, or even show affection to my little sister. I've suffered for many years and I don't know how much more I can take before I lose my mind. Sorry to ramble, but I feel your pain.

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