Thank you for this article! This issue has been "bugging" me for a long time! Or should I say "I feel bothered when I think about this issue." :) Hahaha!

I have always been suspect of the "I statement" vs "You statement" principle, precisely because in my mind, it is simply a matter of semantics, or more simply put, the order of the words used.

For example, I do not understand how "I feel angry when you are late for our appointments" differs that much from "When you are late for our appointments, it makes me angry." Do they not just switch the order of stating the cause and effect?

In some ways, "you statements" feel more real and honest to me. What it comes down to in my mind is that you are asking the person to change a behavior, not expecting yourself to change your reaction and describing that process to the other person (as so astutely described in your article.)

I have also observed that when used in parenting, "I statements" are troubling because they switch the motivation from the child doing something because it is the right thing to do, to the child supposedly making a choice to help the parent not "feel" something negative. Is this what we want to teach our children?

Just some thoughts. Thanks for your valuable contribution to this issue!

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