Dreams have been described as dress rehearsals for real life, opportunities to gratify wishes, and a form of nocturnal therapy. A new theory aims to make sense of it all.
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I was a really bad self-sabotager for most of my life, and after years of healing, I can tell you where it came from: from being the family scapegoat to a mother who couldn't love me. So my self-belief system used to be that I was bad and evil and didn't deserve anything good, because that's what I had been told as a kid all the time by my mother. Anytime I made a mistake and hurt someone (like a man I loved), my guilt would amplify my self-belief system that I was evil and undeserving of happiness, because I hurt others. So I had this really sad and toxic situation going on in my life where I was a straight-A student growing up and loved school and it came easily to me, but I worked in a job I hated as a secretary because I didn't think I deserved any better. I envied all the professionals around me who got to use their brains in their work, while I was bored out of my mind. I finally graduated from college at the age of 40, and as I moved closer to my goals, my self-sabotage issues became more fierce. It was so frustrating and depressing, I can't even tell you. Anytime something good happened for me, I had to create an equal and opposite bad event in my life to "even things out." The way I managed to crawl out of this horrible pattern was by doing a combination of healing techniques: Number 1 most important, I started reading A Course in Miracles- because it teaches self-love and that we deserve to be happy, and heals dysfunctional self-belief patterns. And then number 2 most important, I was doing Emotional Stress Release (hand on the forehead stress release technique), which also releases negative self-belief patterns and fears, worries, and distress. Number 3, I did Emotional Freedom Technique, which helped me separate myself from my mother and her toxic beliefs about me. And I prayed and I prayed and I prayed to be happy and healthy. And with each passing day, I started feeling better and better. God showed me the way to love myself and believe that I was a good person who sometimes made mistakes, but that's all they were- mistakes. They weren't some proof of my innate badness. So, I am much relieved and much happier, and can finally allow myself to feel good without getting crazy anxiety that I was going to be punished for being happy. To all of you who are struggling with this issue, I wish you all to be happy and healthy!! xoxo
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