“She'd talk about me in the third person right in front of me, as if I were a dog that couldn't understand.” That’s my mother.

“She told me that my father's heart attack was my fault” (in my case, according to my father my mother’s accident was my fault).

I was almost 7 years old when my mother told me “why didn’t I kill you when you were born?” On hearing these words I started crying but my father was laughing. I guess he found it funny.

Luckily I had an uncle who helped me and my brother survive. My parents hated him because he had become our friend. They hurt him too. I have always thought of him as my real father.

When we were not allowed to meet our uncle anymore, I told my mother I want to see a therapist, she was amused and started telling my relatives what I had said. I was 15 at that time.

My parents used to blame me for everything. They even tried to create hatred between me and my brother but didn't succeed. My father even had friendly relations with a man who had made sexual advances towards me when I was 17. My father knew it, I had told him what the man had done. I had thought my father would toss him out of the house but instead he asked him why he didn't visit us often. I stopped talking to my father after that and my mother took his side and tried to make me feel guilty for not talking to my father.

I want to thank you for the posts on BPD. They are very helpful. I often questioned myself if I am crazy but not anymore. I have died many times, I have literally felt my heart being ripped.

My uncle is no more but he is in my heart and I want to be a ray of hope to other kids like he was to me and my brother.

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