Hi A,

You should not feel guilty about "betraying" your mother. You are your own person and her mental illness has blurred the boundaries between you as an individual and you as her daughter. My mother is bpd and I know exactly what you are going through.

When I started college I thought things would get better (out of the house, more independence) but it actually made things worse. Her abandonment fears increased and I was threatened with loosing my health insurance, tuition money, and she sold my car. All because she was upset that I was "leaving the family".

I've been seeing a counselor for a little over a year and have learned how detrimental my mother's illness has been to my overall health and well-being. I've cut my mother out of my life, and I've recently begun to have other family members support me.

You are asking the right questions. You have a right to be an individual. You have a right to be happy for yourself.

I recently read "Get me out of here" by Rachel Reiland, a book written by someone with bpd. It helped me immensely in understanding the true extent of my mother's illness. You can't help her unless she wants to be helped, and because she makes everyone else appear to be the problem, her seeking help is unlikley.

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