There is just so much I want to say. She has emotionally crippled and made me to be like her, even though I still fighting it, I'm really trying not to be like her. She verbally and emotionally abuses me, my sister, and my 91 yr. old grandfather (whom she takes care of out of the 'kindness' of her heart, yet constantly complains and blames him for her not having a life or enough time to be "involved in the community"). She hoards mail due to massive paranoia and delusions of grandeur because everything is fine during those points. My brother-in-law was the one who made my sister (who he married to my sister, just to clear that up) go to family therapy, and that when we, me and my sister, really realized how bad our mother is. We've been doing some research and with the Psychologist help we've come to the conclusion our mom has BPD. She been getting worse, why? because I am about to graduate high school, and I'm 'abandoning' her as I am the youngest, and "her" in so many aspects. She has made me to be the baby of the family, and also made the adult. I was also recommended by the good doctor to start having a support group outside of home and outside of school, because I need to know that I am not alone, like she thinks she is. Seeing everyone's posts, and hearing how y'all have struggled but managed to move on, and live, to sound corny, it, in a so messed up way, gives me hope.
I would be so much more open, but I still have this mode in me, that says, "the outside world is bad," or "how dare you betray your mother like this," because for the longest time, my family has thought this was normal, that she was right. I mean, what else were we supposed to believe, it was our mother, she was supposed to care for us, make us aware of the world, not hide and shield us from it. I am in tears writing this, she is my mother, god, how am I supposed to deal with this.
My sister and brother-in-law suggest we have her committed, I suggest I just never speak or see her again, and live with them till I can graduate and be on my own (which they are okay with me living with them, just not sure if I should cut her out). I don't need her making this harder on me. I don't need her causing me a relapse into a trained human slave of hers. I already apologize automatically anytime I leave something out or so something that my mom deems wrong. Anywhere! At school, friends house, sisters house. I'm so used to being isolated by her.
Again I really appreciate you, this community, speaking out about this, because I don't think I would have the courage to break from this silence if I didn't know you would be here waiting, with empathy and compassion. Thank you.

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