Please keep the information flowing about BPD. My mother was never diagnosed either, but I was told I was crazy from the time I was a small child. My younger sister and I were pitted against each other in the "good child vs bad child" drama and for a long time growing up, hated each other. I am so grateful we became close as adults. I went through a lot of bad times personally with depression, anxiety disorders, anorexia, and alcoholism. I got real help to straighten my life out at 28 and kept away from my mom as much as possible after that. That's when she went full bore into making my sister the "bad" child, since she was still close at hand and available to be raged on.

I don't identify with the idea of motherhood at all, I am at total odds with society. I have always viewed it as a horrific fate for a woman and am grateful every day I never had kids. I know this has to come from growing up with my mom as the example. I don't have a clue what a normal woman's thoughts about motherhood would even feel like, I have never had those. It's so strange. I really think that I thought becoming a mother made someone turn into an unintelligent, angry person. Our mom always showed signs of being intellectually deficient in some ways and was quite sensitive about any imagined slights in that direction.

After our father's death we found out from a relative that he had married her after she purposfully got pregnant with me. We had even been lied to about the year they got married our whole lives. We tried to get more pieces to the pussle of our lives out of this relative but her husband made sure she told us no more. It feels like another betrayal to be denied information we don't have, like how many people knew something was wrong with her? Was she ever diagnosed? We are not on a "need to know" list.

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