Does the gaslighter usually know that they are doing as such? From what I've read it seems that the person is consciously aware they are gaslighting. It's planned and calculating.

For instance, when I point out my friends subtle gaslighting tendencies when we get in debates (an 'i can do no wrong' attitude as a result from a mother who worships him and who also possesses the same quality) he doesn't even realize he's doing it. Then I kind of educate him and he has an "Oh shit" moment, because he never wants to be associated with his mothers mannerisms and thinks they are nothing alike.

It gets better the more we talk about it and he becomes more self aware. But as I type this, am I making excuses for my friend? Do I sound like I'm being brainwashed?

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