Values are what bring distinction to your life. You don't find them, you choose them. And when you do, you're on the path to fulfillment.
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Funny, aside from the 'gaslighting' itself, the behaviors described her are common in most abusive relationships. The on and off behavior, providing brief breaks from abuse. The dominating (even in passive aggressive ways sometimes). The maintenance of codependency. The lies and manipulation. The escalation, the blaming of the victim, or the defensiveness when challenged, et cetera.... unhealthy relationships are generally similar despite the dominate characteristics.
Stop self-blame and move forward.
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