Values are what bring distinction to your life. You don't find them, you choose them. And when you do, you're on the path to fulfillment.
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That you are aware he is doing it - whilst devastating - is half the battle - i believe.
Many years ago my then husband was doing this to me. I did not know it had a name and it was before the internet existed. What I did was kept a secret diary and every day wrote down the things he was saying and things I was saying (supposedly normal information exchanges. ) Then when I would say things like 'remember when I said xxx' and he would say ' you never said that' or ' I never said that' - I would go find my secret diary and there it was in black and white. It saved me. And the man I thought loved me and was my soulmate - I sadly realised was a pathologically controller. The hardest thing I ever did was realise this was not a loving person and I could not have a healthy relationship with him. Eventually I divorced him and only then I was able to heal - took a long time but I am always on the alert for gaslighters / wolves in sheeps clothing - they are everywhere and you need to protect yourself
Stop self-blame and move forward.
5 ways narcissists compensate for their inferiority complex.
Narcissistic rage and its destructive consequences.
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