First of all Seth your articles are right on point and I'm sifting through lots of info as I contemplate my history before getting back into dating.

Regarding, "...someone who initiates an impulsive breakup, even if they get back together the next day or month or whenever, was responding to a gut-level, instinctive wish to break free from the relationship. In other words, that individual had a primitive sense that the relationship either wouldn't meet their long-term needs or would be dangerous by subjecting them to unnecessary hurt."

all this is so true of my breakup with someone who I loved and still love, although she had spent most of my goodwill by her moodiness, impulsivity and the neglect/dismissiveness of my feelings that entails. She wouldn't open up about the cause, I think she may have lacked insight about herself and definitely was hiding some things such as her treatment plan and whatever care she was getting (just snippets of information not the full story)...which inherently made things difficult for me to discern.

Anyway. It was visceral for me. I was hurt, and I only saw years of fresh hurts and re-woundings occurring with this particular woman. Oh and I wanted her so much. But I had to end it. It was impossible to stop my "adverse" reaction as it is to stop from vomiting when violently ill. My psyche needed to be free of her. Sorry darling.

I declined ongoing contact, blocked her phone and went no-contact because I don't wish to revisit my decision or to be drawn back into the the pain that would inevitably bring. I think my gut saw things as they were even though my mind wanted to imagine them to be different.