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If a man forgets a woman's birthday and she tells him she feels unloved (most women would), why would he not want to change her mind and let her know she IS loved? Why does he need to be AFRAID she will tell him this hurt her? That's honestly pathetic. That afraid reaction just says, "I can't handle a bruise to my ego even if it means my partner continues to hurt." All you have to do is be genuine, apologize, and make it up to her. That is the magical solution when you hurt someone you love (even if you yourself wouldn't be hurt). If he forgot her birthday, why would he want to DEFEND himself by pointing out times she was selfish? This doesn't make any sense. If a person in a romantic relationship hurts the other person, that person should be able to say hey-that hurt me, and the partner should be open-hearted and listen. Many times, like Annie said, women keep talking because the man IS defensive and doesn't validate her feeling, and so she keeps trying to explain. That is how these things turn into huge episodes. Why would a woman saying "I feel totally not loved" automatically be an exaggeration? How does this author know she is exaggerating? If my boyfriend forgot my birthday, I would totally feel like I didn't matter, too. What is the point of having a partner if they don't care about your feelings? As long as the woman (or man) is being reasonable about requests, then why not try to honor them and create a strong relationship? This author is saying it is "unwise" to engage in this type of conversation because it is lose-lose for the man. Why does he need to "win?" Noone wins. She didn't win-he forgot her birthday. Why can't it just be about her saying "that hurt," and he validates it and makes an effort (if it's reasonable--which remembering a birthday absolutely is!) to respond differently next time.
Men and women are different. Women should NOT berate men and go on and on...but it can be difficult to let it go if the man acts like he doesn't care she is hurt. MEN-if you care about your woman, believe her when she says she is hurt. It will not escalate if you let go of your ego, and it will end MUCH sooner. She doesn't want to go on and on and fight either. She's rather you initially show you care, or at least understand. I promise. We both need to cater to the opposite gender. This article makes me sick.
Women and men are different. This article is basically saying men are right and women are wrong. Men like to solve, women like to express. This is how they deal with problems. Just because a man thinks he can solve a woman's problem does not mean his solution works for her, and I have never met a woman who would not let a man get a word in edgewise if he wanted to offer a kind suggestion of a solution.
The solution to women having actual feelings about real disappointments is not to resist talking to them and hope for sex. This article is ridiculously one-sided. Sounds like it was written by a 17 year old. And yes, Angela is totally right. It's 1950s misogynistic BS.
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Many parents should play a more active role than is conventionally believed.
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