There are ways to temper your toughest critic and take constructive control of your feelings.
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Forgetting someone's birthday indeed signals great distance and inattentiveness to anyone, let alone a spouse or intimate partner.
In most if not all cases, "forgetting" someone's birthday in spite of family calendars, preparations, Facebook reminders, traditions, is a passive-aggressive gesture to signal "don't think you are somebody - you don't matter at all to me!"
If the slighted person then seeks a conversation about the reasons for their spouse's barely veiled aggression, they are further diminished - by "laughing off" the incident and the legitimacy of the (intentionally) wounded person. The person is then further put down and rejected by being labeled as "merely female" and hence, emotionally unstable, shrill, aggressive (!) and in other ways inherently, by birth, biologically inferior,
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