It becomes harder to close yourself off like a normal person when terrible things happen to you. You can't pretend these things aren't real, once they become concrete for you.
You can either join in or vow it should never happen to anybody.
Dreams have been described as dress rehearsals for real life, opportunities to gratify wishes, and a form of nocturnal therapy. A new theory aims to make sense of it all.
Verified by Psychology Today
Why do people become empaths? Is it temperament? Genetics? Trauma? Neglectful or supportive parental upbringing? As a psychiatrist and an empath, I’ve seen that there are four main factors, which can contribute to heightening one's sensitivities.
Reason 1: Temperament. Some babies enter the world with more sensitivity than others—an inborn temperament. You can see it when they come out of the womb. They’re much more responsive to light, smells, touch, movement, temperature, and sound. These infants seem to be empaths from the start.
Reason 2: Genetics. From what I’ve observed with my patients, some forms of sensitivity may be genetically transmitted. Highly sensitive children can come from mothers and fathers with the same inborn traits. Therefore, it is possible that sensitivity can also be genetically transmitted through families.
Reason 3: Trauma. Childhood neglect or abuse can affect your sensitivity levels as an adult. A portion of empaths I’ve treated have experienced early trauma such as emotional or physical abuse, or they were raised by alcoholic, depressed, or narcissistic parents. This could potentially wear down the usual healthy defenses that a child with nurturing parents develops. As a result of their upbringing, they typically don’t feel “seen” by their families and feel invisible in the greater world that doesn’t value sensitivity.
Reason 4: Supportive Parenting. On the other hand, positive parenting can help sensitive children develop and honor their gifts. Parents are powerful role models for all children, especially sensitive ones.
In all cases, however, we empaths haven’t learned to defend against stress in the same way as others do. We’re different in that respect. A noxious stimulus, such as an angry person, crowds, noise, or bright light can agitate us since our threshold for sensory overload is extremely low.
Healing is possible for all sensitive people. Even if you’ve experienced early trauma or have been raised by abusive or narcissistic parents, it’s important that you learn to feel safe enough to embrace your sensitivities now.
Part of this involves learning to set healthy boundaries with others and choosing positive people in your circle who can support your sensitivities. In addition, protection and centering techniques and meditations can help to strengthen your core so you can be both strong and sensitive. In The Empath’s Survival Guide, I outline numerous techniques that you can use in your life to feel safe and secure as an empath.
The goal is for empaths to be empowered and use their sensitivities to be loving to themselves, their intimates, and create love in the world.
Adapted from The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People by Judith Orloff M.D., a book which shows sensitive people how to embrace their sensitivities without absorbing other people’s stress.
It becomes harder to close yourself off like a normal person when terrible things happen to you. You can't pretend these things aren't real, once they become concrete for you.
You can either join in or vow it should never happen to anybody.
By my reasoning, it would be impossible for someone to be an empath if they had a Mother who was a narcissist. A Father, yes. A Mother, unlikely, if not impossible. By definition, empaths are people who feel a strong sense of connection to others, in the emotional and empathic sense. In order for this to be the case, secure attachment would had to have taken place, since it is impossible for a person to feel a strong sense of connection to others if they didn't have secure attachment as a child. A person cannot have secure attachment with a narcissistic Mother; I would hypothesise that it would be impossible, since no mirroring would have taken place, and the Mother would not be emotionally attuned to her offspring in order for the secure attachment to occur.
Hello Joanne, September 2, 2020
I'm a middle aged female who is just now figuring out my childhood family dynamics. Because the people in my life, my close connections, cannot (or are not willing to) understand how my sibling's & my mother's actions affect me so badly, I have totally isolated myself since July 2019. This 'withdrawal stage' has had a hard impact on my physical, mental & emotional well-being. Trust me, I am emotionally ill at this point in my life. I do have a compassionate therapist who is helping me figure this out.
Through my own personal research, I have discovered that my Mother is a narcissist. My Father was most likely an empath because I now see that his mother was an empath, and I am just like my paternal Grandmother. My Father became an alcoholic along the way, most likely because he had no other way of coping. My Father got blamed for all of our family problems because of his alcoholism. My parents stayed together for 24 years so I did have some level of secure attachment in childhood with my parents and my siblings. My family seemed somewhat normal to the rest of the world. I have never had a secure attachment with with my Mother. The truth is, I can hardly tolerate being around her because of her immature silliness & her horrible negativity. I had no idea that this was my Mother's issue all these years, narcissism. Her Mother, my maternal Grandmother told me for years how my Mother was so hard headed as a child, "that you couldn't tell her anything". I found an article written by Lindsay Dodgson April 29, 2020 of the 5 common themes in narcissistic families which pegged it for me. I have one sibling who is neutral, one who is needy and one who is the flying money. I am the withdrawn sibling. My therapist helped me to realize that I am an empath. I am true blue empath 100%.
Since the close people in my life (that I was begging for help) couldn't understand, they began blaming me that it is my own fault that I am not able to stand up for myself etc, my 33 year old son included. I was told that I had to figure this out on my own, so here I am. I felt I had no other choice than isolation until I can recover, if ever possible. As of today, my support system is my 25 year old son (who does understand) & my therapist. I'm trying to transition back into some sort of socializing & I am ready to explain this to my 33 year old son, why I am who I am. He tries to support me the best he knows how.
I am commenting on your post because you say it is almost impossible for a child to be an empath with a narcissistic mother. I am the exception. Joanne, if you have any further information on your analogy which may help me, I would appreciate knowing more. Like, if this is a rare occurrence as you state, is the impact on me more significant? I do have a good life, I am happy for the most part. It's quiet bittersweet to have missed out on who I could have been if my parents would have nourished my talents. As we get older, it seems that my sibling's & my personalities become more intense. Their narcissistic tendencies want to overpower my empathic nature and I have been fighting for years to uphold myself. I'm just now pulling myself out of isolation and getting on with my new freedom. I feel free at last. The price of freedom cost me my family. Now that I understand my childhood family dynamics, I can except it. The sad part is, that I am proud to be an empath by nature, I just cannot share it with my estranged family & friends any longer.
I just googled you to find that you are a registered psychologist. Maybe my story can be of use to you in some way. Thank you in advance for any help you may provide me.
Sincerely, Pallas
same exact story here.
golden-child to blacksheep to immersion into psychology/spirituality to empath
very much like the article
"Getting Emotions 'Switched On' After Decades Of Asperger’s"
Hi Joanne,
As I re-read your comment, I now understand why I am the exception. I inherited my sensitivity/empathic nature from my Father. Therefore, I am an empath raised by a narcissistic Mother. My Father & Mother had a highly toxic relationship. My parents were respectable people who did love each other. When times were good, life was great. When times were bad, life was horrible. It took years for them to finally part ways. Once they did, it became a hateful blame game between them for the rest of our lives. My narcissistic Mother never would let it go. I've been embarrassed my entire life, more so by my Mother's small mindedness rather than my Father's alcoholism.
I cant help but think that other reasons why someone becomes empathetic may not have been mentioned. There could be multitudes of ways such as: a primary spiritual experience, the suffering and hospitalisation of a loved one, an Ayahuasca ceremony or mushroom experience, concussion, gluten intolerance leading to prolonged disability, viral illness and encephalitis and many more I would imagine could trigger heightened empathy.
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.