Revealing Love and Connectedness in Quarantine

Disclaimer: Please note that the content in this piece refers only to non-abusive relationships.

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When someone has a partner they truly relish spending time with, it’s a precious gift. In the world before COVID-19, people who deeply enjoyed their partner’s company could take time to open up and share how they felt about their partner and the relationship. And there would have been good reason to do that. When couples share personal information about themselves (feelings about a partner and the relationship count here), and when partners react with attentiveness, empathy, and acceptance, this is linked to a sense of connectedness. Moreover, the tendency to open up to a partner about personal experiences in the relationship is related to seeing the relationship in a more favorable way one year later.

In our new world of COVID-19 and quarantines, the notion of “quality time” has taken on a whole new meaning as many partners spend more time together than ever before. And these conditions are shining a real light on a question that would have only been a hypothetical one before this pandemic:

If we were trapped and had to spend all day together, would we still relish being around each other?

If couples aren’t feeling the glow of contentment while sheltering in place, should they assume they must not love each other’s company? Absolutely not. Stress is connected to how people feel and talk to each other in a relationship, and although all couples are facing the same pandemic, they’re not all facing the same stressors. Tragically, countless couples are struggling with unemployment, hunger, illness, and loss of loved ones. Challenges like these are linked with greater difficulty for partners to engage with each other in a way that cultivates connection.

But what about people who are actually finding that, even in quarantine, they’re feeling connected and happy with their partner? It’s easy to allow affectionate, loving sentiments to go unsaid. Perhaps they seem obvious or silly and not in need of sharing, or they might feel too scary for someone to open up about because they’re not sure how their partner will respond. Indeed, it can feel risky for partners to disclose how they feel to one another, making silence seem more compelling than vulnerability. That’s entirely understandable. At the same time, I’ve also witnessed the rewards partners enjoy when they take a chance and share the love, attachment, and fondness they feel. And relationship science suggests that expressions of affection and dedication are linked to feeling secure and confident in the relationship.

If you’ve come to realize that you still relish being around your partner even though you’re trapped together, that understanding is important regardless of whether you tell your partner about it or not. But if you do choose to take a leap and share this, although it’s possible your partner might not be responsive, be prepared to be surprised. You may discover that it has more of a meaningful impact than you’d think.