Financial Abuse Is More Common Than You Think

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Rita never imagined that her marriage could feel like a prison. For the first 10 years of it, she told herself that her husband, Sam, controlling the money was practical. He was better at numbers, and she was focused on raising our two kids. It started small. He would handle the bills, remind her to save receipts, and discourage her from buying things for herself. Then, somewhere along the way, it became suffocating.

She remembered the first time she truly felt trapped. She needed $40 for a school trip for her oldest child, and her husband told her she would need to show him the flyer and explain why the trip was necessary. She felt completely powerless in the situation.

Now, she did not even know how much money they had. She did not have a debit card, had no access to online banking passwords, and she was being given a weekly cash “allowance” for groceries. It was barely enough to cover what the kids need for the week for groceries. If the kids need something extra, she would have to risk Sam screaming at her in front of the kids. On days when he is in a really bad mood, it may even escalate to physical violence.

For years, Rita told herself that if she could only avoid his bad moods, everything would be fine. But the fear was still there, a constant weight on her chest. She was terrified of what would happen if she left. How would she support the kids? How could she survive with no savings, no credit in her name, and no job history since her twenties? The thought paralyzed her, yet staying was no longer feeling like an option.

One night, Rita sat in the dark scrolling on her phone. She came across a hotline for survivors of financial abuse. Just seeing the words felt like a lifeline. The next day, while Sam was at work, she called the number. The woman on the other end of the line listened to Rita’s story without judgment. She offered information about local shelters and organizations that could help women rebuild their lives after abuse.

Rita knew the road ahead would not be easy. But as she sat watching her children play in the backyard, she realized she owed them more than this life of quiet desperation. Though the future felt uncertain, for the first time in years, she felt a flicker of hope. She had started a plan, and maybe, just maybe, they could get out.

Rita’s story is unfortunately more common than people may think. Like Rita, many women deal with financial abuse in addition to other forms of intimate partner violence. Women who deal with intimate partner violence may deal with direct financial abuse, job loss and reduced earnings, the cost of leaving a domestic abuse situation, and housing instability. Financial abuse can be defined as a deliberate pattern of control where an abuser interferes with a partner’s ability to acquire, maintain, or use economic resources (Postmus et al., 2020). Like Rita’s story, in practice, this can look like not allowing a partner access to things like credit cards, cash, and other resources. In a domestic set-up where women may be doing unpaid caretaking and not have access to family resources, this can become very dangerous very quickly.

Studies suggest that financial abuse occurs in as high as 99% of domestic violence cases (Adams, 2011). It is frequently accompanied by other forms of abuse, including physical, emotional, and psychological abuse. A study by Adams et al. (2008) found that financial abuse often co-occurs with other forms of domestic violence, creating barriers to leaving abusive relationships. This type of abuse can include restricting access to money, controlling spending, sabotaging employment, or accumulating debt in the victim's name without consent. It can also include behaviors like controlling all household finances, withholding money, preventing the victim from working, forcing them to quit a job, damaging their credit, or stealing their identity. It may also involve the abuser controlling bank accounts, restricting access to financial information, and accruing debt in the victim’s name.

By maintaining some financial independence, setting clear boundaries at the beginning of relationships, and being aware of the signs of financial abuse, people can reduce their vulnerability to financial manipulation. If already in an abusive situation, seeking help, creating an exit plan, and utilizing available resources can be helpful steps toward reclaiming financial independence and safety.

If you or someone you love is dealing with financial abuse, there are resources out there that can help. When preparing financially to leave a relationship, there are steps you can take to protect yourself. It can be helpful to start saving small amounts of money in a separate account that your partner cannot access. Even small contributions add up over time and can provide a financial cushion for when you are ready to leave. Collect copies of essential documents such as your ID, passport, birth certificate, bank statements, credit reports, and any legal documents (e.g., marriage certificates, property deeds). (NNEDV, 2025) Keep them in a safe place or with a trusted friend or family member. Build a financial support network by reaching out to trusted friends, family members, or domestic violence organizations for financial help. They may be able to provide financial assistance, help you find housing, or guide you through accessing local resources. Domestic violence organizations can provide legal and financial help and resources, including financial empowerment programs to help survivors of abuse regain independence. A lawyer who specializes in domestic violence or family law can help you understand your legal options, such as filing for a protection order or gaining access to shared assets. A financial advisor can assist in managing debt and rebuilding your financial life after leaving the relationship. In many places, financial abuse is recognized under domestic violence laws. You can seek legal remedies, such as protection orders, that may include financial restitution or rights to jointly owned property.