Values are what bring distinction to your life. You don't find them, you choose them. And when you do, you're on the path to fulfillment.
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Ilene Strauss Cohen Ph.D.
Most of us—even multimillionaires—struggle to relax and just enjoy the present moment.
All of us have triggers that can lead us to overreact at times. If we know what those triggers are, we can learn to be more in control of ourselves when our buttons are pushed.
When we urgently aim to please other people, we’re seeking approval of self from outside sources.
When you feel overwhelmed by emotions or believe your feelings don’t matter to the ones you love, it’s almost automatic to try to numb and disconnect from how you truly feel.
When you do too much, it’s usually because you’re taking on other people's tasks in addition to your own.
Being supportive of yourself and others means letting pain just be there in the moment, and being sympathetic instead of combative.
For most of my life, I used people-pleasing in the same way other people use drugs, alcohol, food, or shopping — as a way to avoid the discomfort of others' disapproval.
If you don't consciously acknowledge the unmet need triggering your emotional reactions, you'll feel imprisoned by your own emotions.
Work on being who you want to be, even when you’re around people who have different opinions or make annoying remarks.
One of the biggest pushes towards perfectionism is the need to always “get it right.” We strive for perfection and success, and when we fall short, we feel worthless.
Delaying gratification isn’t a new concept. Back in 300 BC, Aristotle saw that the reason so many people were unhappy was that they confused pleasure for true happiness.
Doing things based on what other people say will make us happy can be dangerous. But it can be just as damaging to do the total opposite of what people expect from us.
In order to start creating more satisfying relationship dynamics, you must develop a stronger sense of self.
Sometimes we take a stand and decide it’s time to take a good look at our lives and change. Sometimes we find ourselves in circumstances that force to change.
When it comes to making decisions, don’t be afraid to make mistakes, to fail and fall, because a lot of the time, the best decisions come from doing what scares you the most.
The main character in the film started internalizing garbage messages and beliefs as a child and never fought back or stood up for herself.
We walk around overprotected to prevent people from injuring us, but it also keeps us from being able to make our own meaningful attacks.
Contrary to what you might believe, you aren’t bringing your best self forward when you conduct yourself in pleasing ways.
If you aren’t able to make clear what you want and express how you feel in your relationships, those relationships — and you —
When you always have people taking care of you and meeting all your needs, it’s very difficult to develop your own limits, values, or sense of self.
She abandoned herself, lost her sense of autonomy, and wound up feeling allergic to intimacy.
If you were abused, know that it’s not your fault, you aren’t damaged, and you have a chance to live a meaningful life.
You have to let go of what is hurting you, even if it feels almost impossible to do.
There are numerous ways to enhance your emotional success and maturity, but most of the big opportunities to grow happen within our significant relationships.
When you start practicing awareness, you know when you’re being falsely optimistic and hiding your hurt with empty affirmations.
Respecting the people you care about — honoring their individuality, even when you don’t see eye to eye — takes the relationship to a new level of mutual appreciation and openness.
Happiness is a state of mind—one that doesn’t stick around for 24 hours a day. It comes and goes, always making you aware of its presence.
As anyone suffering from chronic anxiety understands, you can’t control when a panic attack hits; and, in fact, trying to control it can sometimes make it worse.
If your basic needs are met and your life isn’t in imminent danger, you’re more than likely searching for happiness in one way or another.
When it comes to dealing with difficult people, you have to be the one to set boundaries, express yourself, and continue to speak up about what’s okay and not okay for you.
Ilene S. Cohen, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist and blogger, who teaches in the Department of Counseling at Barry University.
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