Ah, the teenage years -- that delightful time when parents begin to realize that to their kids, they're no longer cool, they don't know what they're talking about and, most importantly, they don't understand.
Yeah...right.
Most parents I know can take a quick mental trip back to their own adolescence just about any time they'd like. Though those memories fade, they're always there beneath the surface, easily accessible when your own kid is hurt or confused or simply feeling the angst of being a teenager.
That "accessible adolescence" can be particularly tricky for moms watching their teenage daughters struggle with body image. Hearing our girls berate themselves, deal with mean friends or tearfully wish they could be different calls up our own unfinished business, doesn't it? In fact, that's the number-one worry I hear from moms when it comes to body image: "I don't like my own body. So how can I be a good example to her?"
The good news is that you don't have to love everything about your body all the time to model a positive body image for your daughter. Here are five things you can do -- right now, no matter what your size or feelings about your body -- to show her what self-acceptance looks like:
- Silence the critic. If you're used to unleashing a steady stream of criticism and jokes about your body, just stop. Picture a stop sign or some other image in your head every time you feel a negative thought about to make its way to your lips.
- Act "as if." Just for today, pretend that you're the exact size and shape you want to be. Imagine how you'd act if you were that woman -- would you smile more? Say hello to strangers? Speak up with a great idea at work? Start acting the way you think you'd act; then, notice how different you feel and how others respond to you. Really.
- Choose one thing. Make one healthy choice every day, whether it's walking for five more minutes or smoking one less cigarette. Build on those choices and notice how much better you feel.
- Be OK with change. Passing years and life events (illness, childbirth, etc.) often show in our bodies. Most of us don't think the way we did at 25, so why should we expect to look as we did? Instead of focusing on the "negative" changes in your body, focus on being the healthiest, most content version of who you are today. You'll be a great example to your daughter as her body changes from that of a little girl to that of a woman.
- Find your own body image role models. Moms need support, too, so look around and find women who model an attitude you admire. Mine are the actress Kate Winslet, the little old lady I see speed walking through my neighborhood and a friend of mine who -- though her body isn't what our culture would consider "perfect" -- dresses stylishly and radiates charm with her attitude and sense of humor.
It can be hard to shift your focus if you've spent years beating up on yourself, but it can be done. It's worth the effort -- for you and for her.
