Worry Wise

Freeing yourself and your family from everyday worry, anxiety and doubt

Tamar Chansky Ph.D.

Thanksgiving 2020: This Is Not Your Grandma’s Choice

Over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house we can’t go. Not this year.

COVID and College Students Home for the Holidays

With the staggering spike in COVID cases and the devastating rise in hospitalizations and deaths, we can’t not talk about this.

Self-Care in a Pandemic? We Can't Do It Alone

We need a new model for what has become the Herculean task of tending to our emotional survival. Hint: We can’t do it alone.

9 Shortcuts to Family Harmony in Quarantine and Beyond

What's better than winning a fight in these "quaranteam" days? Having a fight end quickly. Here are a few helpful shortcuts.

The Pandemic Rages On: Why Haven’t We Canceled Grades Yet?

In the midst of the greatest upheaval in recent history, why are students are still expected to get A's?

Keep School, Cancel Grades: It’s What You Do in a Pandemic

It’s time to step out of the normal, look at the big picture, and take the pressure off our kids by canceling grades in this pandemic semester.

How to Pause Lockdown Anxiety and Actually Get Work Done

The less we accomplish, the more stressed we feel. A little bit of structure goes a long way.

Virus Worries at Bedtime or Anytime? Try This

Our anxious scenarios— of coronavirus, of preparing for a two week quarantine, do not settle down at night. They climb into bed with us. Here are two easy ways to help you sleep.

What to Do When Your Kids Hate Their Christmas Presents

Have your children ever hated their holiday gifts? Here are some strategies for you and your children to learn to handle disappointment more gracefully. 

"Promise Me This Will Never Happen"

What can we promise our children? That we will be resilient, that we will be informed, that we will take action—and help them do the same. 

Rethinking the Path to Empathy

We don’t have to do the far reach to someone else’s shoes to empathize with their struggle. We can do the much shorter commute, the very local one, to our own.

Looking at Anxiety Through the Lens of "Little Panic"

A new memoir by mental health advocate Amanda Stern describes growing up with an undiagnosed anxiety disorder.

Taking Charge of College Rejections

No matter where your child is accepted, no matter where they attend, this moment does not determine their worth, nor does it define where they will go in their lives.

Learning to Meet in the “Aha Middle” of Your Disagreements

How knowing to look for the "aha middle"—and realizing that there are legitimate reasons behind every difference we encounter—can help us begin to anticipate each other’s stories.

The Surprising Gift of Jealousy

While we may pin our hurt on others, it is really our beliefs about the meaning of events, about ourselves, about how things should be that are the culprits.

What to Do with Your Pre-Wedding Jitters

A chill comes over you and, paralyzed with fear, you worry if you really comprehend what this new life together might bring or even if you should really bring it.

How to Empathize: Resist Being a Problem Solver

When we are upset we want empathy, period. Not the laundry list of things we need, could, or should do. Not yet, and maybe not ever.

When Your Relationship Needs Some Spring Cleaning

If you’re not so much feeling the zing of spring right now, no worries. Some spring cleaning may be in order.

Spring Cleaning for Your Emotions

It is difficult to access the joy that is right in front of us with the emotional clutter of negativity getting in the way.

Can We Really Have a Happy Valentine's Day This Year?

Even in a crisis, even in an emergency, we work in shifts. Some of us always need to be on love duty. We need to put the oxygen masks on our relationships first.

Yes, Your Teen Is Going to College, But Are They Ready?

Kids in college, apart from parent's texts, phone calls and occasional visits, are suddenly set with the task of carrying their own lives on their backs.

How to Take Charge When Your Child Gets Bossy

Parents are always in charge and the best way to show is not to rub it in, but to redirect your child's demands and teach them the difference between a preference and a protocol.

Stuck With Kids on Valentine's Day? Do This!

We don’t need to proclaim that your marriage is more important than your children. Let's just agree your relationship with your kids and your spouse are different.

Why You Should Kiss More

There's nowhere to hide in a kiss, and hiding is not so good for marriages. So, a way of not hiding that is free, fast, and doesn't require a babysitter? That's a good thing.

Parents Are Not Perfect (Either)

The reason parents get wedged into their own name-calling corners is that we don't let ourselves share the frustration, a little at a time, that naturally and predictably builds when we feel ignored or tested. Instead, we wait, and wait, and wait patiently as our children do everything but what we want, and then like any good combustion engine, we blow.

Homework Time: Could Your Help Actually Hinder?

Of course you're going to help your child with homework, we all are, but if you really want your help to help and not hinder, you're going to help them with what they actually can't do themselves. And even then, you're going to share the job with them, meet in the middle and do the proverbial "teaching them how to fish" so that they won't go hungry next time and beyond.

4 Things Pixar's Inside Out Can Teach Parents About Emotions

Every time we see tears in our children's eyes our inner control panel goes through the same process —we want to body dive sadness and get it off our kids — fast. I would say that this lesson to not fear our children's sadness is the one that we have to relearn just about every time we see tears. I don't want my kids to be sad.

How to Respond to Your "Mouthy" Child

One of the best ways to teach your child about flexibility is by demonstrating your own. This is what the fine art of diplomacy really sounds like. Because in the end, if you sound like a brat while correcting your child from sounding like a brat, well, Houston, we've got problems.

How to Plan Your Child's Summer "Work Week"

The radical (to your child) idea is that you can do some work in the summer—whether that be pitching in around the house, or reviewing math facts— and still have a great summer. Don’t want to be the bearer of bad news? You’re not. You didn’t invent this. It’s called life. And it’s actually good for them—and you.

Teach Kids the Wisdom of Failure Long Before Graduation

Our job is to not wait for graduation to talk about failure and success. It’s a little late then. Rather, we need to be rolling out the red carpet for our kids throughout their education. Making saying “I don’t know” or making mistakes safe. Making “I don’t know for sure” a noble and defendable position.

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