Is Your Coworker Always at Your Desk?

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We all have that one colleague who drains our time and energy by constantly sharing stories about her dog’s newest trick or worse yet, gossip about the colleague down the hall. Many of us even stop to listen to that coworker, numerous times throughout the day, even though we have work-related tasks and other obligations.

So, why do we do it? We are human, and we want to feel liked. We want to be popular, respected, and feel like a true member of the team. We don’t want to be seen as the one who isn’t kind, sociable, or engaging. And we definitely don’t want to be the butt of any gossip. So, we endure the dog stories and the stories about our coworker’s children, and rush to meet our work-related deadlines.

Shift Your Focus

We often put too much emphasis on being friends with our coworkers. Think long and hard about the people you work for and with. Who would you want to be friends with outside of the office, even if you no longer worked for the organization? Those individuals are your friends. Otherwise, everyone else falls into what I like to call the “friendly” category. When someone is a “friendly,” we still need to be sociable, courteous, and professional, but we do not have related associations and emotional connection of true friendship. As such, we can say to a friendly, with a smile, “I have a tight deadline today. If it’s about work, I have some time, but if not, I have to get back to this.”

We should of course be polite and use tact with our delivery. But we can take the emotion out of the interaction and focus solely on what we want and need from that relationship, as it relates to work.

Try These Tips

There are some simple tactics we can apply to help with this. For instance, if a “friendly” comes to your office to talk about some gossip, physically stand up and walk out. If he approaches you at the water cooler, smile and then walk away. You can also look down at your watch or smartphone. The key is to use clear body language to indicate that you are not available. And practice some one-liners at home, so that when that doesn’t work, you are able to say quickly and effortlessly, “I can talk about work, but otherwise I’m slammed today.”

We obviously need to lead by example, as well. We are not in grade school, so avoid any drama and never engage in office gossip. Also, we should not expect more from a “friendly” than we are willing to give in return. By taking emotion out of our workplace relationships, we can free our minds so that we can do what we are paid to do, which is work.

Use clear and direct communication tactics. Recognize the role that you play in the relationship, so that you may act consistently and get what you want and need from any workplace relationship.