Shyness

When Your Subordinate Is Tongue-Tied

Take these steps to help your subordinate communicate more effectively.

Posted December 22, 2024 | Reviewed by Abigail Fagan

Key points

Tongue-tied subordinates are often afraid to speak for fear of saying something embarrassing.
Encourage them to practice speaking in one-on-one and in smaller group settings.
When appropriate, ask for a direct response even in a larger meeting.

Source: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels

Some subordinates are inarticulate or shy. They cannot seem to verbalize their thoughts. They are so overly concerned that you think well of them that they are too embarrassed to speak. While their ideas may be worth considering, they are afraid they will sound foolish.

Some are concerned they might sound boring or dull or unclear. They may think their opinions are neither necessary nor wanted. They suffer stoically rather than verifying their perceptions.

Other tongue-tied subordinates are afraid that they will be judged as weak if they ask for help. They will not ask a question that might make them appear ignorant, especially if they believe everyone else understands what is going on.

What You Are Thinking

I know Luke is capable of intelligent and spirited conversation. I have overheard him talking to his own colleagues. But he gets tongue-tied around me. And he is terribly ill at ease when he has to give a prepared talk or share a report. That is a shame. If he could get over his reluctance to speak up, Luke has the potential to go far in this company.

Your Subordinate’s Thoughts

I would like to comment when the boss asks us for ideas, but I am so scared that I will make a fool of myself. Maybe the others will contradict me; maybe they will show me that I’m wrong. Maybe I won’t choose the precise words, and I will look ridiculous. I don’t want to ask a question if everyone else already knows the answer.

Strategy

Your goal is to help your subordinate feel comfortable talking to you and talking in front of others.

Encourage their questions. In private talks, help relieve their shyness by reassuring them that we all make mistakes because we are human. Suggest that they write out their questions before a meeting. Then, they can refer to that list before speaking to the group.
Ask direct questions. At your meetings, turn to the tongue-tied employees when you reach areas where you know they have experience or expertise.
Help them improve their meeting reports. Suggest that they practice at home and record themselves. Watching the recording can help them to improve their technique and approach.
Assign them to small committees. Give-and-take discussions in smaller groups are so informal that they serve as good practice sessions. This will help them to gain confidence when expressing opinions.
Suggest public speaking courses. The company might have training opportunities available. There are also community resources, like Toastmasters.

Tactical Talk

You: I know you are good at putting your finger on the real problem. At the staff meetings, when you ask a question that pinpoints the real issue, you play a most important role in problem-solving.

Or: (At a meeting) Luke, you worked on that last year. What do you think about the idea of repeating it again?

Some tongue-tied subordinates need more than reassurance, especially if they are having difficulty with a prepared talk. Explain how this problem can hold them back and offer to help. If you cannot coach them yourself, suggest places where they can get assistance.