When It Comes to Attraction, We See What We Want to See

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Both men and women enhance their appearance to emphasize a variety of positive qualities—or the appearance of having them. From makeup to muscles, tinted contacts to clear-lensed “attitude” glasses, people proactively project positive qualities aimed to attract. But how successful are these tactics, and which qualities are most accurately perceived?

I have written previously about strategies to become a more desirable mate,[i] including appearance enhancement among women, and showcasing abilities and talents among men.[ii] But apparently, someone looking for a potential paramour may actually perceive what they want to see. Research explains.

The Power of Perceiving Positive Traits

Gabriela Hofer et al. (2021) in “What You See Is What You Want to Get” explored mate appeal based on positive perceptions of potential partners in a speed dating study.[iii] Recognizing the allure of attractiveness, personality, and cognitive ability in selecting a prospective partner, they sought to measure the impact of objectively measured abilities on attraction.

Hofer et al. aspired to investigate the impact of traits such as numerical, verbal, and spatial intelligence, as well as interpersonal emotional competence and creativity on mate appeal. In a speed dating study using 87 women and 88 men, they found that only one measured ability—women’s creativity, was significantly associated with mate appeal, although mate appeal was broadly predicted by ability perceptions. They further found that the effects of both measured and perceived abilities were substantially reduced once controlled to account for physical attractiveness. Hofer et al. conclude that the abilities they investigated play a lesser role in initial attraction than previously thought, and perceived abilities were apparently better predictors of attraction than measured abilities.

The Impact of Attraction on Perception

In addition to noting their results provided little support for attraction to actual competence, Hofer et al. also showcased what they didn’t find. Although they found that attractiveness was a stronger predictor of women’s long-term mate appeal than men’s, they found no support for the idea that women’s intelligence and long-term mate appeal would be enhanced if they were more attractive. They actually found some support for the opposite dynamic: in terms of spatial intelligence, less attractive women were viewed as having higher long-term mate appeal when they were also more intelligent. Hofer et al. note this finding is in contrast to the suggestion that men only value female intelligence if a minimum level of attractiveness is already present, or that women’s intelligence might detract from their mate appeal if they are less attractive.

Seeing Is Believing: How Appearances Become Reality

Regarding qualities other than physical appearance, Hofer et al. note that appearing smart may be a more significant predictor of attraction than being smart, at least within brief interactions. They acknowledge that it remains unclear whether cross-cultural preferences for high intelligence and other abilities translate into dating relationships, or are only relevant under certain circumstances, or during later stages of courtship.

These findings support a more robust process of getting to know prospective partners than perception at first impression. Healthy relationships develop over time, which gives people time to confirm initial impressions, and ensure relationships are founded on actual compatibility instead of wishful thinking. Spending time together also allows partners to perceive true, authentic beauty, both inside and out.

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