Building Bliss: Daily Interactions That Preserve Romance

No one goes on a first date expecting it to be the last. And partners about to promise “Till death do us part” don’t walk down the aisle contemplating a temporary union. Yet solidifying relationships begins long before a couple heads for the altar, because once the knot is tied, it has to remain tight. Relationship research reveals how every day of a partnership can predict and preserve the quality of romantic relationships.

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How Positive Communication Cultivates Commitment

Yana Ryjova et al. (2024) in a piece entitled “A Day in the Life” studied how couples’ daily communication predicts subsequent relational quality.[i] Their study involved real-time monitoring of young adult heterosexual couples who agreed to carry a smartphone programmed to record the audio of approximately half of one typical day, referred to as T1. This naturalistic communication experiment investigated associations between data-driven types of communication behaviors and the outcomes of relationships, such as aggression, satisfaction, and dissolution one year later.

Regarding the type of data collected, the couples in their study went about their normal routines engaging in typical interactions including a broad range of activities, which Ryjova et al. describe as including everything from singing together while cooking in the kitchen while cooking to street-corner bickering about a parking meter. The couples appeared to acclimate to the unobtrusive recordings, minimizing the potential for self-presentation bias.

The Predictive Value of Behavioral Results

Ryjova et al. found that participants in their study displayed a wide range of behavior. Almost every participant exhibited some degree of hostile behavior, yet also displayed extremely positive behavior. Most participants exhibited warmth, and everyone exhibited playfulness. Because relationships always include positive and negative dimensions, Ryjova et al. note that their date normalized negative interactions, and highlighted the importance of positive behaviors to maintain relationships.

Regarding the predictive value of behavior, Ryjova et al. note their results showed that hostility levels of each partner during the day of recording (T1) were positively associated with relationship aggression and negative relationship satisfaction one year later. Withdrawal at T1 was positively linked with relationship aggression perpetration, and withdrawal by a partner was negatively linked to relationship satisfaction. Regarding relationship dissolution, Ryjova et al. found that withdrawal increased the likelihood of a breakup, while warmth and playfulness decreased it.

A Day in the Life: Practical Takeaways

This research by Ryjova et al. illustrates the importance of ordinary, daily communication, and the impact it can have on relationship outcomes. They refer to such interactions as small moments that can have cumulative impact on relationship functioning during the present and in the future. With this in mind, there are some practical takeaways.

Withdrawal is not an effective strategy to problem solve either in the short or long term. Avoiding an issue can artificially enhance its importance, creating unnecessary conflict. Warmth, on the other hand, transcends content to provide an atmosphere of comfort and contentment within which to consider alternate ideas. Playfulness diffuses tension and softens the mood, providing a safer space to relax and discuss challenging issues. It can also prompt positive affect through inducing laughter, which is physically relaxing and enjoyable, allowing a couple to reset the mood.

Developing daily relational routines on the front end of romance is an investment that can generate a lifetime of quality returns through creating an atmosphere characterized by love, respect, compassion, and kindness that can set the stage and relational tone for years to come.