The Best Emotional Response to Protect Romance

Source: Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay

Romance is easy when times are good, but turbulence comes when your partner is stressed out or feeling emotional. Venting as a stress-relieving technique yields only works with a receptive, empathetic ear—because steady support is a calming influence. According to research, being a responsive listener also maintains marital quality.

Responding Instead of Reacting

Qunming Yuan et al. (2022) studied the impact of emotional reactivity and perceived partner responsiveness on marital quality.[i] They defined emotional reactivity as “the emotional experience generated by an individual under the action of the evoked stimulus, the intensity of the perceived emotion, and the time required for the emotion to return to the baseline level” (citing Nock et al., 2008). They observed that individuals with high emotional reactivity have trouble with emotional regulation and coping. Perhaps not surprisingly, Yuan et al. found that high emotional reactivity decreases marital quality.

Studying 550 couples in China, Yuan et al. found that emotional reactivity of couples was negatively linked with perceived partner responsiveness as well as marital quality, and perceived partner responsiveness was positively correlated with the quality of marriage.

In their research, Yuan et al. used emotional reactivity as a central index to measure marital quality, noting that couples with positive emotional reactivity support one another in the face of daily pressures, contributing to a harmonious atmosphere that improves the marital quality of both partners. Yuan et al. also note that perceived marital quality is influenced by attributions of a partner’s negative emotions. When a spouse is perceived as less emotionally reactive, the other spouse is likely to attribute their negative emotions to the external environment, which explains why they are more tolerant of their spouses’ negative emotions and are more willing to offer support—which reduces conflict and improves marital quality for both partners.

Although Yuan et al. note the potential impact of cultural context in some of their results, they also found broadly applicable interpersonal dynamics that arguably impact relationships everywhere.

Stressors Impact People Differently

One of the more general findings Yuan et al. discussed is the reality that different people respond to the same stressors differently. This can be true within any relationship and is often recognized early on within a courtship and accommodated as couples spend time together. We can relate to friends and family who are either overly dramatic (“Oh, that’s just George”) or overreact to circumstances that have nothing to do with us. Such expressions of emotion do not threaten our relationships; instead, they can strengthen them through allowing us to offer validation and emotional support whether we believe they are overreacting or not.

Response and Resilience Over Time

Other research provides some good news for long-term relationships, finding that emotional response and reactivity gets easier over time. Koihei Masumoto et al. (2022) investigated the impact of emotional regulation in long-term marriages.[ii] Studying 66 couples living in Japan, their findings reflected the impact of marriage duration, the impact of emotional regulation on mental health, and the likelihood of emotional suppression—which they acknowledge is likely more culturally appropriate within their study sample.

One of the observations Masumoto et al. make at the beginning of their research is arguably ubiquitous—the impact of aging on emotional health, including the experience of loss. They note that emotional stability and psychological well‐being tend to increase with advancing age, perhaps due to a recognition of less time left leading to an increased perceived significance of emotional goals. Consequently, they recognize that prioritizing emotionally meaningful activities and events may allow older adults to maintain psychological well‐being even under stress.

As couples age together, the ability to maintain emotional health can benefit both partners, leading to a vitally important mutual exchange within marriage. Empathetic emotional response can benefit a couple from the moment they walk down the aisle until they enjoy the sunset years together. Apparently, there is much benefit to great conversation, and to attentive listening.