How to Tell if Seasonal Romance Is Superficial or Serious

The holidays are traditionally filled with festive gatherings and events, many of which are geared toward couples, not singles. “Winter coating” is the practice of rekindling an old relationship for warmth over the holidays, just like a seasonal jacket, only to discard it come springtime—when new opportunities arise. Yet winter coating may reflect a short-term dating strategy, possibly at play all year long but easier to identify over the holidays. Sure enough, research indicates men and women tend to value different types of traits depending on their intentions and relational readiness.

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The Christmas Crush: Seeking a Short-Term Relationship

Mehmet Mehmetoglu and Ilmari Määttänen (2020) studied what types of traits men and women value in short-term relationships.[i] They acknowledge prior research showing women are more selective in general, but that both genders are more selective in choosing long-term partners compared to short-term partners. Studying 1,000 individuals, they found that men were more selective regarding physical appearance, and women were more selective in all other areas of preference, such as valuing kindness, intellect, dominance, and understanding.

Yet relational intentions matter as well. Mehmetoglu and Määttänen found that people who were seeking short-term pairings had a higher preference for physical appearance, as well as sociability and humor. We might wonder whether these are the types of partners who make the best dates at holiday parties. The researchers also found respondents who were seeking long-term relationships exhibited a higher amount of selectivity in most other mate preferences, including whether the prospective partner was kind, domestic, reliable, understanding, cultivated, and similar.

Mehmetoglu and Määttänen found no interaction effect between sex and mating strategy, noting that differences between long-term and short-term seekers regarding the types of mate preferences they valued did not change based on sex. They note that this finding is significant in its suggestion that both genders value the same traits when it comes to short-term relationships.

Spotting the Short-Timer

Although we can’t read the minds of our suitors, we can interpret behavior. So, how do you know you are being winter coated, and how do you resist falling for it? Here are some ways to decipher genuine affection from seasonal interest.

Timing Matters. An ex-flame who texts you out of the blue during the summer, reportedly missing the time the two of you spent walking on the beach is more likely to be missing you, versus desiring your company during the far more structured holiday schedule of events during the winter months.

Beware of the Arm Charmer. The holidays include plenty of festive parties and plus-one events, both personally and professionally. Beware of a supposed suitor, old or new, who might want to accentuate his or her appearance by bringing you as an attractive accessory, which would also avoid the image of spending the holidays alone.

Seasons Change. When you are contacted by a previous love interest, you might be tempted to review your time together through a rose-colored lens. Don’t do it. Put on your reading glasses instead and remind yourself why your ex is an ex. Because seasons of life change, a romance from the past may not fit where you are today.

Old Flames Save Money. Rekindling a past relationship is less expensive than sparking a new one. Beware the old flame who crawls out of the holiday yule log hoping to bypass courtship to cut costs. When “dates” consist of invitations to watch a movie on the couch and order in, you are right to wonder whether you are just being used. This is especially true when the old flame seeks to stay warm in your home, using your heating bill.

If you suspect an ex-flame’s sudden interest is a seasonal spark, don’t waste your time. You are more than a winter coat. After all, this could be the season you meet an authentic love interest that sees you as the entire wardrobe.