3 Signs You May Have Intimacy Trauma

Trauma can result from many experiences. Some forms, like scars, are easier to spot and frequently involve physical danger, such as accidents, natural disasters, or illness. Such events are widely recognized as traumatic.

Other forms of trauma may result from bullying, sexual abuse, or social injustices such as racism, harassment, or false accusations. These forms of trauma may be hidden because they can trigger shame, and so the victim may choose to keep them private.

Trauma linked to intimacy, however, can be among the most difficult to recognize. It is possible to have experienced intimacy trauma and not be conscious of it. Yet, it can affect all your relationships and social interactions.

What makes intimacy trauma so complex and challenging to understand?

The link between broken trust and intimacy

Trust, a fundamental element of relationships, is often at the heart of intimacy trauma. Someone who was supposed to care for you didn’t. You extended your trust, and they failed you. They didn’t respond or may have even abandoned or abused you, turning your world upside down and leaving you scrambling to care for yourself.

The three most common forms of broken trust that frequently lead to intimacy trauma, as observed in my weekly therapy groups, stem from:

1. Childhood neglect. A parent or caregiver, the person most responsible for caring and loving you, failed. Infant or early childhood neglect, often referred to as preverbal trauma, can be challenging to access. Because it occurred before you developed language, your body stores the trauma. You may suddenly feel triggered and not know why.
2. Relationship betrayals. You trusted a person, such as a friend, lover, or family member, and they betrayed you. What makes relationship betrayals so powerful is that they can happen at any phase of life.
3. Social injustices. Through no fault of your own, you are regularly subjected to hurtful and rejecting experiences that go unrecognized by the privileged.

Recognizing the signs of intimacy trauma

Intimacy trauma eventually surfaces in close relationships and can appear as a trigger response. If you find yourself repeating specific negative patterns in relationships, consciously or not, it’s likely you have suffered some form of intimacy trauma.

Trigger responses during intimacy can produce:

1. Dissociative states.You “space out” often and feel detached from your body. Due to numbness and distraction, you have trouble feeling or focusing.
2. Overreactions. A seemingly small event can produce extreme emotional reactions such as panic attacks or angry outbursts.
3. Obsessive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts poke at you and disrupt your concentration, focus, and sleep. You replay things you have said or experienced repeatedly, leaving you distraught and fatigued.

Healing intimacy trauma

Individual therapy is an excellent choice for understanding intimacy trauma. It can help you identify, process, and free yourself from the trauma. However, group therapy is the best choice for building healthy relationships and strengthening key intimacy skills, such as holding boundaries, communicating needs, and resolving conflicts.

Individual therapy will help you understand your trauma; group therapy will help you take charge of your relationships and create healthier ones.

To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.