Stress
The Key to Less Stress and Fatigue in Your Life
End your love affair with the word “stress.”
Posted January 2, 2025 Reviewed by Michelle Quirk
Key points
- The more you talk about stress, the more you reinforce it, increasing tension and fatigue.
- Add the word “stress” to any activity, and it may quickly become joyless and exhausting.
- Among the most potent antidotes for stress are gratitude, appreciation, and acts of altruism.

These days, everyone seems to be feeling tired and stressed. Even joyful events can cause stress and fatigue. Eavesdrop on my weekly therapy groups and you may hear the following:
- My birthday stresses me out.
- The holidays are stressful.
- I hate the stress of family gatherings.
When did everything in life become so stressful? How can we end this love affair with the word “stress”?
Stress as a Way of Life
Bottom line: The more you talk about stress, the more you reinforce it. Whenever you say you're stressed, you increase your tension levels and program your brain to convert pleasurable experiences into burdensome ones. Add the word “stress” to any activity, and it quickly becomes joyless and exhausting; it saps energy, drains passion, and undermines growth.
The first step to breaking your stress habit is to stop using the word. For example, none of the professional athletes I work with in therapy use it. They talk about having challenges, responsibility, or determination. When faced with a challenge, they frequently use words that energize and excite them. They may say they are “pumped,” “can’t wait to hit the field,” or look forward to a “good fight.” They choose those words consciously because the words emotionally impact them and affect their outlook.
In the end, "stress" doesn’t awaken your fighting spirit. It leaves you feeling more like a victim than a victor.
The Most Common Cause of Stress
If you feel stressed, you're likely fighting a battle with yourself. You're doing something you don't want to do and resent it. Chronic reluctance is a significant cause of stress, so people who dislike their jobs nearly always say they're stressed. Most bosses who complain of feeling stressed frequently try to control their staff, which—you guessed it—stresses everyone out.
People in fields such as finance or sales may even claim that stress is part of their job and is necessary because it improves their performance. Even when there is no need to feel stress, they generate it. Don’t be fooled: Chronic stress comes at a high cost to their bodies, minds, and relationships.
I recall working with a stockbroker who constantly promoted the idea that stress was good for him. He even said he liked feeling stressed.
Several years after quitting therapy, he called for an appointment. He appeared in my office looking thin and sickly, a shadow of his former bombastic self. He was 35 years old and had had a heart attack; his love affair with stress not only damaged his health—it nearly killed him. (See “What Stress Does to Your Body.”)
Complaining Increases Stress
No one benefits from you talking about stress. Do you want to spend time with someone always talking about how stressed they are? What a bore!
The more the pattern of stress continues, the more joyless your life. Soon, you see stress in everything. For example:
- You may have a wonderful meal with friends but then claim you’re stressed because you ate and drank too much.
- You may go to an excellent concert or theater performance only to complain about the parking and traffic.
- You may treat yourself to a massage but stress about the cost.
In each instance, you choose to focus on stress rather than pleasure. As a result, feeling stressed becomes a way of life. It also negatively impacts all your relationships. As Buddhist peace activist Daisaku Ikeda noted, "When people don’t live with a sense of gratitude, they come to expect others to do things for them. And when others don’t do as they expect, they feel cheated, disappointed and start to complain incessantly. They end up making themselves and people around them miserable. They wander through a self-created maze of unhappiness.”
Breaking the Stress Habit
No matter how stressed you are, chances are other people are living under much more difficult conditions than yours. For example, you may feel stress that someone hit your new car, while others feel stress because they’re out of work or can’t feed their family.
Ending your love affair with stress begins with cultivating new attitudes and outlooks. The most potent antidotes to stress are gratitude, appreciation, and altruism.
- Gratitude. Why wait for a holiday or birthday to feel thankful? Every sunrise can be a gift, even when facing tremendous obstacles. I recall a friend fighting for his life in the hospital telling me, “Every day is a blessing.” It was a simple statement, but it changed how I viewed the challenges in my life. (See "The Man Who Refused to Die.")
- Appreciation. There’s always someone you can show appreciation to: friends, family, or cashiers at your local food store. Just saying “thank you” triggers feel-good chemicals in your brain. It acknowledges the person before you, connects you with them, and leaves you feeling lighter.
- Altruism. Helping others less fortunate than you is the expressway to reducing stress levels. Volunteer or support a community organization or not-for-profit. You’ll be amazed at how much the time and energy you give to a worthy cause comes back to you. Altruism is a gift to the giver and receiver.